D.N. asks, "I read the following on an old high school friend's Facebook status update this week.
'My daughter just came home from school and ran to her room, slamming the door. Even though she's got the music turned up pretty loud, I can still hear her heartbreaking sobs of anguish through her door. I try and I try to get her to talk to me, but she just asks me to leave her alone no matter how many times I tell her to confide in me. All I can think is that something horrible happened to her at school today. Doesn't she know that I went to high school too and could probably solve whatever her silly little problem is? Somebody please tell me what to do!'
What followed was an exceptionally long list of comments, all of which empathized with the mother before going off on their own kids' selfish behavior.
No one, especially the mom in this case, stopped to think that, gee maybe something horrible DID happen at school that day. Maybe it was all the young woman could do to simply 'hold it together' until the end of the day where she could (supposedly) seek refuge in the only 'safe' place she has to go to. Maybe the only thing that could be possibly WORSE than whatever happened is to have her mom -- IN A PUBLIC FORUM -- THAT HER 'FRIENDS' FROM SCHOOL CAN EASILY ACCESS -- complain about her level of distress and her supposed selfishness for not wanting to immediately share the 'silly' details of her 'silly' problem.
My question, I guess, is this. Are Facebook parents the most narcisistic generation of parents in the history of the world? Or are we just the dumbest?
D. N."
Hi, D.N.
I don't think this is necessarily a case of Narcissism or stupidity. Let me explain. No, there is too much; let me sum up. Buttercup is marry Humperdink in little less a half an hour. All we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the princess, and make our 'scape. After I kill Count Rugen.
Sorry, got a little distracted there. Back on track.
I think we need to look at this in the proper context. Parents today have to deal with all sorts of things that parents of previous generations didn't have to think about at all. The whole concept of "adolescence" is only about 100 years old - prior to that, you were a kid who became an adult. That's it. And the more we explore adolescence, the more confusing it becomes. Nowadays, you're Satan's Mistress if you spank your child, but not so long ago, children received regular beatings all in the name of "teaching them good manners." Children used to go to school and then come directly home to help out with the chores on the farm (or around the house) instead of sleeping through classes and then coming home to play World of Warcraft for six hours before bed. I'm not saying things like drugs and alcohol and sex weren't as big a deal back then, but the way we handle our children and their problems is different now. The way our children behave in school is different than it used to be, too. How many girls do you see in photographs from the 1880's wearing cut-off t-shirts and mini skirts? Not so many, right? But the way girls dress now invites all kinds of fun new slurs, taunting remarks, and derogatory terms. And we, as parents, need to learn how to help our kids through the torture chamber known as the public education system.
So your friend's kid came home all upset about something and not wanting to talk about it. Okay. Your friend wanted to talk to her kid and try to help and that is a good thing. She should be commended for her impulse. The kid should not be lambasted for her choice to not want to talk to her mom. What if the problem is that the other kids at school were teasing her for some rumor that the mom is a slut? Or what if she was found in the janitor's closet with a varsity football player and neither of them was wearing any pants? These are not the sort of things you want to talk to your mom about. In the case of the first thing, nobody wants to have to ask their mom if she is a slut because neither answer is a good one. If she's not, you look like an ass for asking in the first place and if she is, you get to have nightmares for the rest of your natural born life. And no teenage girl wants to talk to her mom about her super secret sex life for fear her mother will chime in with some story about her super secret sex life when she was a teenager and we're back to having nightmares for the rest of your natural born life again.
I guess it is possible that the issue at school was something that might not be completely mortifying to talk to one's own mother about. Maybe she got a bad grade on a test or tripped on her own shoelace walking down the hall. But what the mom needs to realize is that everyone processes things in their own way. Maybe what the kid needs is to curl up in bed and listen to music for a while until the embarrassment dies down a bit and she can talk about it. The simple fact that the mother considers whatever is causing her daughter's "heartbreaking sobs of anguish" is a "silly little problem," means that there is some sort of disconnect happening here. And maybe the daughter knows her mom will think the problem is silly and wants to be a little more composed before they chat about it so she can show her mom that really, she is fine as opposed to her mom laughing it off with, "I was in high school once, too, you know."
And the other thing about the "I was in high school once, too, you know," defense. Yes, you were. But you have not been in high school for several years. You may remember that "the love of your life" dumped you two weeks before the prom, but since that time, you met your husband who proved to be the real love of your life and you've had kids and you have a mortgage now and have been to seventeen fancy dress fundraisers so the whole prom thing isn't that big of a deal anymore. It's called "healing and moving on." Yes, you lived through it and came out on the other side. No, you don't actually remember what it was like when it happened. You have the luxury of looking at the event through Detachment Glasses. When you remember it, you look back on a younger version of yourself who you know has great things in store. But you have forgotten what it felt like to not see good things in store for you down the line. So in order to understand what your daughter is going through, you need to put it in terms of your own life where you are now. Maybe her boyfriend dumped her. Imagine your husband came home one day, packed a suitcase, and left you for his secretary. That is how she's feeling now. Empathize with that, as opposed to minimizing her problem as some silly high school trifle.
Which brings us back around to Facebook. I think the mom has the right to ask her friends for help in this situation, because I'll let you in on a little secret: none of us know what we're doing. Parents (the good ones, anyway) always think they're going to fuck up their kids and that is the most terrifying thought in the world. Your friend is wondering if she's a bad mom for letting her daughter cry, or if she's a bad mom for trying to force her daughter to talk. It feels like a no-win situation. She wants to help and doesn't know how. So she asks her friends for advice. I think that's okay. I think the problem is that the friends take sides. They should know better than to bash a kid on Facebook for having a bad day.
So to answer your question, Facebook parents are not narcissistic, nor are they dumb. They're confused and lost and reaching out for help, just like the rest of us. And no, the daughter is not being selfish because she wants to process her horrible day in her own way. The mom is right to be concerned, but at the moment, it probably best for her to let her daughter know that she is there, she loves her no matter what, and then wait for the daughter to come talk to her in her own time. But yeah, the mom's friends are probably making things worse in their attempts to comfort the mom. They should watch that.
Thank you, D.N. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Showing posts with label insanity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label insanity. Show all posts
Friday, February 11, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Star Signs
This will be a question and answer in many parts. Think of it as a play in three acts, if you'd like. If you don't like, just think of it as someone who blathered out many variations on a theme all in one email answered by someone who is trying her damdest to make sure she doesn't miss anything.
R.J. asks, "Dear Miss Kitty,
What sign am I?"
I don't know - when were you born?
"What with the discovery of a 'new' 13th sign (which I still don't fully understand; please explain!) throwing all of the previous star signs out of alignment, does this mean if I'm a former fire sign that all my years of tempestuous temper and passionate lovemaking have been a sham? And if I'm a former earth sign does this mean my years of fiscal responsibility have been a lie?"
Okay, this bit is confused, and I don't just mean me.
First of all, the 13th sign isn't new. It was there, right at the beginning with the rest of them until the Babylonians decided to chuck it. They got bored and felt like throwing things away. They could have gone clubbing, but nobody had invented the disco ball yet, so eliminating a zodiac sign sounded like a much more fun way to spend a Friday night. Plus, doing so had the added benefit of making twelve signs to go with twelve months in a year (and avoiding that scary, scary number 13). Though why they couldn't line up the months with the signs has always been a little puzzling to me. If Aries is supposed to be the first sign that starts on the vernal equinox, why not just say, "April starts on the vernal equinox, so anyone born between April 1 and April 30 is an Aries?" That might make this whole thing a little easier to digest. Until you want to throw Ophiuchus back into the mix and you get, "Okay, anyone born in the first two weeks of November is a Scorpio, anyone born in the third week is an Ophiuchus, and anyone born in the last week of November or anytime in December is a Sagittarius." Like there isn't enough crap going on in November and December to begin with. And while we're on that, if the start of the zodiac calendar is the vernal equinox, what's with this whole "New Year's Day is January 1" thing? I honestly think this whole thing could be straightened out if people had just sat down for a moment, had some tea, and thought about things logically. But they were probably burning too much "incense" at the time and the dragon people told them to make it all as confusing as possible.
You know that time and calendars are man-made constructs, right? And that the calendar we use in the West is not the only one that exists? You've heard of Rosh Hashanah and the Chinese New Year, yes? Not everyone keeps time the same way, so keep that in mind, too, as you try to muddle your way through all of this date-based stuff.
But what is kind of striking to me about these questions is that you don't seem to know if you are/used to be a fire sign or an earth sign. There are a million websites out there that will tell you what you are if you know when you were born and you seem the sort who can navigate the interweb even just a little, seeing as you emailed me. This confusion could also seem to indicate that you are a passionate, yet fiscally responsible person, so you could be the sort who generally laughs in the face of all of this astrological mumbo-jumbo anyway, in which case, your current panic is kind of funny.
I'm sorry. I don't mean to chuckle. But chuckling is fun.
"As a former Libra, has my interest in balancing the forces of good and evil merely been an inappropriate hobby? What is happening? I feel as if the cornerstones of my personality are being torn asunder!
R. J."
What is happening here, is that you're taking this WAY too seriously. Especially if you live/were born in the Western hemisphere. See, over here in the West, we tend to rely on Western Astrology, wherein the signs of the zodiac are aligned with the seasons, as opposed to actual sun positions. In which case, nothing has changed. Absolutely nothing. Though I will say, as an aside, it's been bothering me for a few years now that the seasons seem to be off from the calendar by about a month. It doesn't really get cold until January or February, and it doesn't really start to warm up again until about May or June, which would put the seasons off by about a month, too, in which case, you would have to worry. Or, we could just have a "redo" of a particularly bad month so we could just reset things. I'd pick February of 2010. That was not one of my favorites. Anyway.
I think it is also important to note that all of this astrology stuff depends on when you were born. As in, the time and date you were physically expelled from your mother's womb and what was going on in the heavens at that exact moment. Meaning if you are more than a year old, I don't think this whole shift should apply to you. Think of it as a "grandfather clause." At the time you were born, astrology said you were a certain sign, so you shall remain a certain sign. Just like the ethnicity you were born is the ethnicity you will remain your entire life. If Kenya invaded America, I wouldn't suddenly become Kenyan-American on census forms. I would still have to mark myself down as "Caucasian - Non-Hispanic." Because that's what I am. That's how I was born.
Or, if you want to overload your brain to the point where you just don't care anymore, look up your birth date in the Chinese zodiac, the tropical zodiac, the sidereal zodiac, the Indian zodiac, numerology, and make sure to find out your sun signs and your moon signs and your elementals in all of the above. Read about all of your potential personality traits. You'll start to see that there is the potential for just about anything in any one person born at any given time on any given date. You just need to figure out who you are, what is important to you, and what your favorite color is and use those things as the cornerstones of your personality.
Thank you, R.J. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
R.J. asks, "Dear Miss Kitty,
What sign am I?"
I don't know - when were you born?
"What with the discovery of a 'new' 13th sign (which I still don't fully understand; please explain!) throwing all of the previous star signs out of alignment, does this mean if I'm a former fire sign that all my years of tempestuous temper and passionate lovemaking have been a sham? And if I'm a former earth sign does this mean my years of fiscal responsibility have been a lie?"
Okay, this bit is confused, and I don't just mean me.
First of all, the 13th sign isn't new. It was there, right at the beginning with the rest of them until the Babylonians decided to chuck it. They got bored and felt like throwing things away. They could have gone clubbing, but nobody had invented the disco ball yet, so eliminating a zodiac sign sounded like a much more fun way to spend a Friday night. Plus, doing so had the added benefit of making twelve signs to go with twelve months in a year (and avoiding that scary, scary number 13). Though why they couldn't line up the months with the signs has always been a little puzzling to me. If Aries is supposed to be the first sign that starts on the vernal equinox, why not just say, "April starts on the vernal equinox, so anyone born between April 1 and April 30 is an Aries?" That might make this whole thing a little easier to digest. Until you want to throw Ophiuchus back into the mix and you get, "Okay, anyone born in the first two weeks of November is a Scorpio, anyone born in the third week is an Ophiuchus, and anyone born in the last week of November or anytime in December is a Sagittarius." Like there isn't enough crap going on in November and December to begin with. And while we're on that, if the start of the zodiac calendar is the vernal equinox, what's with this whole "New Year's Day is January 1" thing? I honestly think this whole thing could be straightened out if people had just sat down for a moment, had some tea, and thought about things logically. But they were probably burning too much "incense" at the time and the dragon people told them to make it all as confusing as possible.
You know that time and calendars are man-made constructs, right? And that the calendar we use in the West is not the only one that exists? You've heard of Rosh Hashanah and the Chinese New Year, yes? Not everyone keeps time the same way, so keep that in mind, too, as you try to muddle your way through all of this date-based stuff.
But what is kind of striking to me about these questions is that you don't seem to know if you are/used to be a fire sign or an earth sign. There are a million websites out there that will tell you what you are if you know when you were born and you seem the sort who can navigate the interweb even just a little, seeing as you emailed me. This confusion could also seem to indicate that you are a passionate, yet fiscally responsible person, so you could be the sort who generally laughs in the face of all of this astrological mumbo-jumbo anyway, in which case, your current panic is kind of funny.
I'm sorry. I don't mean to chuckle. But chuckling is fun.
"As a former Libra, has my interest in balancing the forces of good and evil merely been an inappropriate hobby? What is happening? I feel as if the cornerstones of my personality are being torn asunder!
R. J."
What is happening here, is that you're taking this WAY too seriously. Especially if you live/were born in the Western hemisphere. See, over here in the West, we tend to rely on Western Astrology, wherein the signs of the zodiac are aligned with the seasons, as opposed to actual sun positions. In which case, nothing has changed. Absolutely nothing. Though I will say, as an aside, it's been bothering me for a few years now that the seasons seem to be off from the calendar by about a month. It doesn't really get cold until January or February, and it doesn't really start to warm up again until about May or June, which would put the seasons off by about a month, too, in which case, you would have to worry. Or, we could just have a "redo" of a particularly bad month so we could just reset things. I'd pick February of 2010. That was not one of my favorites. Anyway.
I think it is also important to note that all of this astrology stuff depends on when you were born. As in, the time and date you were physically expelled from your mother's womb and what was going on in the heavens at that exact moment. Meaning if you are more than a year old, I don't think this whole shift should apply to you. Think of it as a "grandfather clause." At the time you were born, astrology said you were a certain sign, so you shall remain a certain sign. Just like the ethnicity you were born is the ethnicity you will remain your entire life. If Kenya invaded America, I wouldn't suddenly become Kenyan-American on census forms. I would still have to mark myself down as "Caucasian - Non-Hispanic." Because that's what I am. That's how I was born.
Or, if you want to overload your brain to the point where you just don't care anymore, look up your birth date in the Chinese zodiac, the tropical zodiac, the sidereal zodiac, the Indian zodiac, numerology, and make sure to find out your sun signs and your moon signs and your elementals in all of the above. Read about all of your potential personality traits. You'll start to see that there is the potential for just about anything in any one person born at any given time on any given date. You just need to figure out who you are, what is important to you, and what your favorite color is and use those things as the cornerstones of your personality.
Thank you, R.J. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Netflix and the Wii
Happy New Year!
J.E. asks, "Dear Miss Kitty,
I recently got Netflix for the Wii. I've since lost the desire to leave the house. My husband tells me this is a problem. I disagree since I can stop anytime I want to, I just don't want to right now. How do I get him off of my back?
J. E."
Sorry I was absent for a little while there - I was watching a bunch of stuff from my Netflix queue. Damn, that's a good show.
And really quickly, before I get too in to this answer, I want to say that I hope everyone had a safe and happy new year, and I hope that now, five days into the new year, it hasn't been all blown to hell yet. Like, I dunno, you find out that your celebrity crush is getting married. Not to you. Even though you're sure you'd get along swimmingly, and you don't want to come off as a stalker, but really, couldn't he have at least waited until he'd met you before running off and swearing to love his girlfriend of two and a half years for the rest of his life? People fall in love with total strangers all of the time, right? At least that's what the movies in my Netflix queue tell me.
So anyway. I hope nothing like that has happened to you this year and you are still warm from the New Year Buzz. It's a thing. I swear.
Netflix! We're onto Netflix and the Wii. Such a lethal combination. I came to the discovery over the holiday break that my Wii is being used primarily as a device for watching things through Netflix, and that I really have no idea what is going on in the world because watching things through Netflix, I don't see commercials much anymore (except those irritating Menards ones with the theme song that won't ever leave your brain). So I did what any responsible adult would do - I went out and bought some video games.
But as with any addiction, the easiest way to get someone off of your back about the addiction is to turn said person into an addict as well. Does your husband know that you can watch "Battlestar Galactica" streaming on Netflix? Or all of "Lost?" I think they even have some pro-wrestling tapes on there ("tapes" because the last time anyone recorded professional wrestling for distribution was in the Hulk Hogan era). Is he aware how many bonus points he will get for snuggling up and watching some stupid romantic comedy with you, streaming on Netflix, and he won't even have to pay for movie tickets or snacks? It's the ultimate cheap date night. He doesn't even have to spring for cab fare to get you home and into bed - just get you upstairs, or (if you don't have kids or roommates) out of your pants. Couches can be very romantic places, after all.
So my recommendation to you is that you try to bring him into your world. Start by watching something you know he would like (even if it's not your favorite) streaming on Netflix so as he is walking past the room, he is enticed to stop and have a taste. When that movie or episode ends, you can introduce him to the wonders of online video watching using Netflix and the Wii.
Your marriage will never be the same.
Thank you, J.E. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
J.E. asks, "Dear Miss Kitty,
I recently got Netflix for the Wii. I've since lost the desire to leave the house. My husband tells me this is a problem. I disagree since I can stop anytime I want to, I just don't want to right now. How do I get him off of my back?
J. E."
Sorry I was absent for a little while there - I was watching a bunch of stuff from my Netflix queue. Damn, that's a good show.
And really quickly, before I get too in to this answer, I want to say that I hope everyone had a safe and happy new year, and I hope that now, five days into the new year, it hasn't been all blown to hell yet. Like, I dunno, you find out that your celebrity crush is getting married. Not to you. Even though you're sure you'd get along swimmingly, and you don't want to come off as a stalker, but really, couldn't he have at least waited until he'd met you before running off and swearing to love his girlfriend of two and a half years for the rest of his life? People fall in love with total strangers all of the time, right? At least that's what the movies in my Netflix queue tell me.
So anyway. I hope nothing like that has happened to you this year and you are still warm from the New Year Buzz. It's a thing. I swear.
Netflix! We're onto Netflix and the Wii. Such a lethal combination. I came to the discovery over the holiday break that my Wii is being used primarily as a device for watching things through Netflix, and that I really have no idea what is going on in the world because watching things through Netflix, I don't see commercials much anymore (except those irritating Menards ones with the theme song that won't ever leave your brain). So I did what any responsible adult would do - I went out and bought some video games.
But as with any addiction, the easiest way to get someone off of your back about the addiction is to turn said person into an addict as well. Does your husband know that you can watch "Battlestar Galactica" streaming on Netflix? Or all of "Lost?" I think they even have some pro-wrestling tapes on there ("tapes" because the last time anyone recorded professional wrestling for distribution was in the Hulk Hogan era). Is he aware how many bonus points he will get for snuggling up and watching some stupid romantic comedy with you, streaming on Netflix, and he won't even have to pay for movie tickets or snacks? It's the ultimate cheap date night. He doesn't even have to spring for cab fare to get you home and into bed - just get you upstairs, or (if you don't have kids or roommates) out of your pants. Couches can be very romantic places, after all.
So my recommendation to you is that you try to bring him into your world. Start by watching something you know he would like (even if it's not your favorite) streaming on Netflix so as he is walking past the room, he is enticed to stop and have a taste. When that movie or episode ends, you can introduce him to the wonders of online video watching using Netflix and the Wii.
Your marriage will never be the same.
Thank you, J.E. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Monday, December 20, 2010
Impulse Buys
M.C. asks, "Dear Miss Kitty,
As usual we are being bombarded with commercials and adds for those perfect Christmas Gift ideas. But I am wondering about the ones where people get a Lexus for Christmas. Maybe its just me but.........when did a new luxury automobile become an impulse buy?"
Hey, M.C. In case you hadn't noticed, EVERYTHING is an impulse buy at Christmas time. I'm just kind of surprised it took the car manufacturers this long to catch on and try to take advantage of it.
There are a lot of things at work here. One is guilt. This is a great time of year to remember that Jesus was a hoopy frood. I know, I know, there are plenty of people out there (and probably quite a few reading this) who don't necessarily dig on the whole Jesus vibe. That's fine. I'm not particularly religious myself. But if you at least pretend for a minute that he was a real guy who lived a long time ago, he seemed like a pretty cool dude. Telling people to love one another and all that stuff. Turning water into wine - tell me you don't wish you had that skill. Feeding the poor. And the people who decided his birthday should be celebrated alongside the way more popular at the time solstice celebrations, thought it might be a good idea to play up the fact that he was a hoopy frood to try to get more people to join the party. So since about 440AD, people have been running around at this time of year telling everyone what a great guy he was and I'm guessing that there has been a little bit of the telephone game in there so now, instead of being groovy guy, he's the guy who can make Chuck Norris cry for his mommy. And since we're supposed to be celebrating things in his image, and there is no possible way you could make Chuck Norris cry for his mommy, you have to show you are just as good as Jesus by...buying a car for your loved ones. Because those coupon books you used to give just don't cost enough to prove you're worth getting in on the Jesus celebrations. He gave his friggin' life for you man; the least you could do is go into debt in his name.
I would like to point out here that boat, jet, and helicopter manufacturers were trying to get in on the fun for a little while there, until it was pointed out that not everyone has a pilot's license or access to a major body of water. So for the time being, anyway, a car is the most expensive thing that just about everyone (in the United States) might actually be able to use. The more you love, the more you'll spend, but not if the person can't use it. Usually.
And, of course, we have the rampant materialism of the general American population. You said it right when you mentioned the bombardment of adds this time of year (the extra "d" is for "double the ads," I presume). If you're not buying craploads of junk that people don't actually need at this time of year, well, that's downright un-American.
So we take materialism and guilt and put them together and voila! You have to buy your loved ones luxury cars for Christmas or you just plain don't love them. The car manufacturers are just disappointed that they haven't been able to successfully position the automobiles next to the candy bars in the supermarket check-out lines.
Thank you, M.C. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
As usual we are being bombarded with commercials and adds for those perfect Christmas Gift ideas. But I am wondering about the ones where people get a Lexus for Christmas. Maybe its just me but.........when did a new luxury automobile become an impulse buy?"
Hey, M.C. In case you hadn't noticed, EVERYTHING is an impulse buy at Christmas time. I'm just kind of surprised it took the car manufacturers this long to catch on and try to take advantage of it.
There are a lot of things at work here. One is guilt. This is a great time of year to remember that Jesus was a hoopy frood. I know, I know, there are plenty of people out there (and probably quite a few reading this) who don't necessarily dig on the whole Jesus vibe. That's fine. I'm not particularly religious myself. But if you at least pretend for a minute that he was a real guy who lived a long time ago, he seemed like a pretty cool dude. Telling people to love one another and all that stuff. Turning water into wine - tell me you don't wish you had that skill. Feeding the poor. And the people who decided his birthday should be celebrated alongside the way more popular at the time solstice celebrations, thought it might be a good idea to play up the fact that he was a hoopy frood to try to get more people to join the party. So since about 440AD, people have been running around at this time of year telling everyone what a great guy he was and I'm guessing that there has been a little bit of the telephone game in there so now, instead of being groovy guy, he's the guy who can make Chuck Norris cry for his mommy. And since we're supposed to be celebrating things in his image, and there is no possible way you could make Chuck Norris cry for his mommy, you have to show you are just as good as Jesus by...buying a car for your loved ones. Because those coupon books you used to give just don't cost enough to prove you're worth getting in on the Jesus celebrations. He gave his friggin' life for you man; the least you could do is go into debt in his name.
I would like to point out here that boat, jet, and helicopter manufacturers were trying to get in on the fun for a little while there, until it was pointed out that not everyone has a pilot's license or access to a major body of water. So for the time being, anyway, a car is the most expensive thing that just about everyone (in the United States) might actually be able to use. The more you love, the more you'll spend, but not if the person can't use it. Usually.
And, of course, we have the rampant materialism of the general American population. You said it right when you mentioned the bombardment of adds this time of year (the extra "d" is for "double the ads," I presume). If you're not buying craploads of junk that people don't actually need at this time of year, well, that's downright un-American.
So we take materialism and guilt and put them together and voila! You have to buy your loved ones luxury cars for Christmas or you just plain don't love them. The car manufacturers are just disappointed that they haven't been able to successfully position the automobiles next to the candy bars in the supermarket check-out lines.
Thank you, M.C. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
"The Devil Wears Prada" - SPOILERS
L.W. asks,"Hey,
If you haven't seen the movie 'The Devil Wears Prada', then please don't read this question. I only recently saw the movie myself and enjoyed it more than I thought I would, so if you haven't seen it but plan to in the future, please stop reading now.
Dear Miss Kitty,
As Stephen Hawking once said, "the male mind is a weak tool," -- especially when it comes to understanding women. I am a guy who has somehow found myself in the middle of an argument with an old female friend and could sorely use some of your sage advice. It all began innocently enough when I finally got around to watching the film 'The Devil Wears Prada.' I enjoyed it more than I thought I would, especially the hero's journey the lead character undergoes armed only with her youthful 'courage and pluck.' What I failed to understand is why the film ends with this character getting back together with her lame boyfriend. Perhaps I failed to understand why he refused to emotionally support her for a single year working a job that would have provided her with a resume that would allow her to land any future job she chose. Instead of viewing her 'apprenticeship' as one would medical school or law school, her boyfriend and their 'friends' are shown to ridicule and undermine her at every opportunity (except when she discovers lingerie). His 'non-apology apology' at the conclusion of the film coupled with the fact that the most supportive action he ever took was feeding her leftover cheese makes it difficult for me to suspend my disbelief that this smart, charming, beautiful, hard-working woman would beg him to take her back.
So, I thought I had missed something and emailed a female friend for her take on the film. Her response:
'I have indeed seen Devil wears Prada. We used to joke about it a lot at my old job since we basically worked for the same woman. I do find it interesting that you've focused your attention on the side plot of this romance. And I don't recall her ever being subservient to him. I think the message of the story is about leading a life you chose, and that is by definition feminism. I don't think there is anything wrong with a nice boy who will cook you dinner when you've had a bad day. It's a lot better than what most gals have. She didn't stay with him because she had to and she checked out some other merchandise.
But then again, I left my high profile job for one where the money is less, but the respect is far greater. And I gave up searching for a powerful partner filled with money and excitement for a boy who listens to me, buys me ice cream and walks my dog at 4 am.'
I am now utterly confused. Is the boyfriend character in the film really a great guy and I'm just not seeing it? And why is my friend now angry with me?
L.W."
Hey, L.W. I had not previously seen the movie, but as I have promised to answer every question that is asked, I went to the video store, forked over $3.23, and watched the thing. I hadn't watched it previously because it didn't look like the kind of movie I would enjoy. And I was right.
I will say that Meryl Streep was brilliant as her character, but then, she's Meryl Friggin' Streep. And Stanley Tucci was lovely, as always, but then, he's Stanley Friggin' Tucci. So please keep in mind that nothing I say in the rest of this post is intended as a reflection on either of them. I thought they were great.
In general, though, I thought the film was crap. Sorry, the script was crap. Or maybe they just performed it crappily. Or maybe I just don't have a strong enough sense of disbelief to think that there is a world wherein this woman is considered fat and ugly. Oh no! They put a frumpy sweater on her and teased the bottom inch and a half of her hair! She's hideous! Yeah, not buyin' it. And I know that the modeling/fashion industry is really hard on the collective female self image, but I'm also not buyin' it that Ms. Hathaway is a size six. Her supposedly gorgeous coworker does not look smaller than Anne. She maybe just has smaller boobs. But she did manage to marry John Krasinsky, so good on ya, mate.
So okay, let's say that is just me and the rest of y'all are willing to buy into the plaid skirt = atrocious philosophy. Let's take a look at her relationships. She's living with a guy who has a dream of being a chef, and at the end of the film, he's moving to Boston to pursue his dreams and isn't that great? But like you observed, he begrudges her taking this annoying job at the magazine in pursuit of her dreams. Kind of a douche. And yes, she could have blown of the gala and gotten fired so she could be there for his birthday, but seriously, who is going to say to Dragon Lady boss, "I'm not going to go to this fabulous event where I get to wear amazing clothes and meet people who can further my career because my boyfriend will get pouty if I miss his birthday dinner?" Who does that? Yes, it is an option, but not an option that any career motivated-type person is going to take. Especially since we see at the beginning of the film that this is the only job she's even gotten an interview for since graduation. Has Boyfriend forgotten that if she loses her job, she also loses her paycheck? Which I'm guessing has to be a pretty decent size, considering how much she was able to turn her wardrobe around in such a short amount of time. Because really, do we honestly believe that Stanley Tucci is dressing her out of the sample closet every morning when she's too much of a cow to fit into anything they have back there in the first place? So yeah, you're right. Boyfriend is a douche. And your friend is also kind of right - we don't really see her being subservient to him, but she does come home with a cupcake and an apology which he refuses to take. I was waiting for her to scream, "I just passed up an opportunity to schmooze with the Editor-in-Chief of The New Yorker so I could bring you this sad little cupcake and you're pissed at me?" I would have. Or at least I'd like to think I would have. But yeah. He owes her an apology for being completely non-supportive of anything she does, except when she brings him free crap from work. But instead, she apologizes for REALLY NOT CHANGING AT ALL.
That's right. I said it. I don't see her change at all. Except her wardrobe. At the beginning, she's a strong, confident woman who is extraordinarily nice to everyone, whether they deserve it or not. At the end, she's a strong confident woman who is extraordinarily nice to everyone, whether they deserve it or not, who dresses better. At no point in the film does she become a conniving bitch, even though she is made to think she is. Which brings me to the next two relationships that don't make any sense in this film.
Her best friend. Otherwise known as "the only non-Caucasian person in the film." Look at how diverse we are! One second, she's in love with Ms. Hathaway's character because she just received a really expensive, impossible to find, one of a kind handbag for free. FOR FREE. And not ten seconds later, she's pissed that Ms. Hathaway "slights" her to answer a call from her boss. Who was the provider of the beautiful free bag in the first place. Hello! If she doesn't take the call from her boss, and jump every time her boss tells her to, she doesn't get all the pretty pretty swag which she then gives to you. That scene might have made more sense if as Anne was walking out the door, the friend said, "Take your stupid bag with you. I'd rather have dinner with my friend." But no, she sits clutching the bag like it's her precious, scowling at the person who just gave it to her. And then we flash to a few nights later when Anne shows up to her friend's art show. Anne's being supportive! Which none of her friends have bothered to be of her, but she's there. And the friend witnesses a kiss on the cheek between Anne and an "unknown gentleman" and all of a sudden, Anne isn't the person she knew anymore? What? They weren't making out. They were talking and he kissed her goodbye the way you'd kiss your grandmother goodbye. Hell, I'm willing to bet that 85% of the people in the fashion industry say goodbye that way. But without even letting her get a word out, bam! They're not friends anymore. No thank you for the bag, but I'm keeping it anyway.
And then, the relationship with the coworker across the corridor. Who is horrible to Anne through the entire movie. Seriously, she never does one nice thing for her. Makes fun of her to her face. Tells her to shut up and go away when she tries to make small talk. Is a selfish, self-centered bitch. And Anne, for some unknown reason, feels this devotion to her, as if she owed her something. This person has never been nice to you. There is no indication that this person will ever be nice to you. You do not have to feel guilty for doing a better job at work than she does. This is the straw that supposedly breaks her at the end of the film - she "took" the trip to Paris away from Emily. Except no, she didn't. She worked harder and proved herself to be more reliable (and less germ-ridden and less on-crutches-after-being-hit-by-a-car), and she was rewarded for that. Sure, she could have turned it down, but first of all, who would turn down a promotion for a co-worker who treats you like shit, and secondly, there was no guarantee that Emily would have gone to Paris if Anne hadn't. Meryl says that she wants to take the best team with her to Fashion Week and that no longer includes Emily. Which, to me, sounds more like Emily screwed herself out of a trip to Paris than anything sneaky and conniving that Anne did. Especially since Anne does nothing sneaky and conniving in the entire film.
And just because I have a little bit of a rant left in me, her relationship with Stanley Tucci's character. He's marvelous. The more I see of him, the more I like him. But he's not exactly welcoming of her when she joins the company. He, too, calls her fat and makes fun of her clothes. So she goes to him when she's having a bad day and needs advice? What? When did they become friends? Yes, they become friends later in the film, after she lets him play with her wardrobe, but that's kind of random and needy, don't you think? If anyone in the film had the right to be irked by her behavior, it was him. And he was not. He grew to love her and find her charming and delightful. So why don't any of her friends love her and find her charming and delightful?
And why does she take the non-supportive boyfriend back at the end of the film? Because as much as she wants to be the strong, powerful woman who knows what she wants, she is most comfortable in abusive relationships. It's the only explanation, really. It explains why she chose those friends in the first place. It explains why she didn't walk away from that job a half-dozen times. It explains why it becomes so important to her to impress Meryl. It explains why she feels some twisted loyalty to Emily. She may be a good writer, and she may be a beautiful woman. But from where I was sitting, I saw a woman who has some really screwed up ideas of what relationships are supposed to be, so it really was no surprise that after everyone has beaten her down through the entire film, she goes crawling back to her bum of a boyfriend (who she will probably leave New York for) under the guises of "this is my choice." If you really wanted to choose something good for yourself, a happy life for yourself, you would choose to get rid of all of the abusive relationships in it, not just quit your job. And she didn't even use the connections she made in the craptastic job! Not really. She interviews at the end for "The New York Mirror." She supposedly just "sold her soul" to get a credit on her resume that would take her anywhere so she "chooses" to go to Sheboygan? Really? If you can do anything, you're going to write for a paper nobody reads? Okay. Sure. This is a film about feminism and female power and choosing the life you lead. I can't wait to show this to my daughters to teach them to work extremely hard and be extremely nice so they can settle for eighth best and call it a "choice."
And I suppose I now sound like the Meryl Streep character. Oh well.
I'm sorry. I was supposed to be answering a question, but instead I'm ripping on a film. In short, no, the boyfriend is not a good guy. I was kind of sickened when she went back to him at the end. I would prefer a guy like your friend has, who would listen to me and buy me ice cream and walk my dog (if I had one). I think your friend, though, may have been equating your thoughts on the boyfriend in the film to her boyfriend in real life. Because we also need to mention the other romantic interest in the film (the guy with too much product in his hair), who is probably like the "powerful partner filled with money and excitement" that your friend gave up looking for. Which she probably took to mean you meant she wound up with the boyfriend from the film, who you were calling a douche, ergo, you were calling her boyfriend a douche. Which is why she is upset with you. Go apologize to your friend. And then go watch a good movie, where the lead character goes on a journey somewhere more interesting than to the mall.
Thank you, J.H. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
If you haven't seen the movie 'The Devil Wears Prada', then please don't read this question. I only recently saw the movie myself and enjoyed it more than I thought I would, so if you haven't seen it but plan to in the future, please stop reading now.
Dear Miss Kitty,
As Stephen Hawking once said, "the male mind is a weak tool," -- especially when it comes to understanding women. I am a guy who has somehow found myself in the middle of an argument with an old female friend and could sorely use some of your sage advice. It all began innocently enough when I finally got around to watching the film 'The Devil Wears Prada.' I enjoyed it more than I thought I would, especially the hero's journey the lead character undergoes armed only with her youthful 'courage and pluck.' What I failed to understand is why the film ends with this character getting back together with her lame boyfriend. Perhaps I failed to understand why he refused to emotionally support her for a single year working a job that would have provided her with a resume that would allow her to land any future job she chose. Instead of viewing her 'apprenticeship' as one would medical school or law school, her boyfriend and their 'friends' are shown to ridicule and undermine her at every opportunity (except when she discovers lingerie). His 'non-apology apology' at the conclusion of the film coupled with the fact that the most supportive action he ever took was feeding her leftover cheese makes it difficult for me to suspend my disbelief that this smart, charming, beautiful, hard-working woman would beg him to take her back.
So, I thought I had missed something and emailed a female friend for her take on the film. Her response:
'I have indeed seen Devil wears Prada. We used to joke about it a lot at my old job since we basically worked for the same woman. I do find it interesting that you've focused your attention on the side plot of this romance. And I don't recall her ever being subservient to him. I think the message of the story is about leading a life you chose, and that is by definition feminism. I don't think there is anything wrong with a nice boy who will cook you dinner when you've had a bad day. It's a lot better than what most gals have. She didn't stay with him because she had to and she checked out some other merchandise.
But then again, I left my high profile job for one where the money is less, but the respect is far greater. And I gave up searching for a powerful partner filled with money and excitement for a boy who listens to me, buys me ice cream and walks my dog at 4 am.'
I am now utterly confused. Is the boyfriend character in the film really a great guy and I'm just not seeing it? And why is my friend now angry with me?
L.W."
Hey, L.W. I had not previously seen the movie, but as I have promised to answer every question that is asked, I went to the video store, forked over $3.23, and watched the thing. I hadn't watched it previously because it didn't look like the kind of movie I would enjoy. And I was right.
I will say that Meryl Streep was brilliant as her character, but then, she's Meryl Friggin' Streep. And Stanley Tucci was lovely, as always, but then, he's Stanley Friggin' Tucci. So please keep in mind that nothing I say in the rest of this post is intended as a reflection on either of them. I thought they were great.
In general, though, I thought the film was crap. Sorry, the script was crap. Or maybe they just performed it crappily. Or maybe I just don't have a strong enough sense of disbelief to think that there is a world wherein this woman is considered fat and ugly. Oh no! They put a frumpy sweater on her and teased the bottom inch and a half of her hair! She's hideous! Yeah, not buyin' it. And I know that the modeling/fashion industry is really hard on the collective female self image, but I'm also not buyin' it that Ms. Hathaway is a size six. Her supposedly gorgeous coworker does not look smaller than Anne. She maybe just has smaller boobs. But she did manage to marry John Krasinsky, so good on ya, mate.
So okay, let's say that is just me and the rest of y'all are willing to buy into the plaid skirt = atrocious philosophy. Let's take a look at her relationships. She's living with a guy who has a dream of being a chef, and at the end of the film, he's moving to Boston to pursue his dreams and isn't that great? But like you observed, he begrudges her taking this annoying job at the magazine in pursuit of her dreams. Kind of a douche. And yes, she could have blown of the gala and gotten fired so she could be there for his birthday, but seriously, who is going to say to Dragon Lady boss, "I'm not going to go to this fabulous event where I get to wear amazing clothes and meet people who can further my career because my boyfriend will get pouty if I miss his birthday dinner?" Who does that? Yes, it is an option, but not an option that any career motivated-type person is going to take. Especially since we see at the beginning of the film that this is the only job she's even gotten an interview for since graduation. Has Boyfriend forgotten that if she loses her job, she also loses her paycheck? Which I'm guessing has to be a pretty decent size, considering how much she was able to turn her wardrobe around in such a short amount of time. Because really, do we honestly believe that Stanley Tucci is dressing her out of the sample closet every morning when she's too much of a cow to fit into anything they have back there in the first place? So yeah, you're right. Boyfriend is a douche. And your friend is also kind of right - we don't really see her being subservient to him, but she does come home with a cupcake and an apology which he refuses to take. I was waiting for her to scream, "I just passed up an opportunity to schmooze with the Editor-in-Chief of The New Yorker so I could bring you this sad little cupcake and you're pissed at me?" I would have. Or at least I'd like to think I would have. But yeah. He owes her an apology for being completely non-supportive of anything she does, except when she brings him free crap from work. But instead, she apologizes for REALLY NOT CHANGING AT ALL.
That's right. I said it. I don't see her change at all. Except her wardrobe. At the beginning, she's a strong, confident woman who is extraordinarily nice to everyone, whether they deserve it or not. At the end, she's a strong confident woman who is extraordinarily nice to everyone, whether they deserve it or not, who dresses better. At no point in the film does she become a conniving bitch, even though she is made to think she is. Which brings me to the next two relationships that don't make any sense in this film.
Her best friend. Otherwise known as "the only non-Caucasian person in the film." Look at how diverse we are! One second, she's in love with Ms. Hathaway's character because she just received a really expensive, impossible to find, one of a kind handbag for free. FOR FREE. And not ten seconds later, she's pissed that Ms. Hathaway "slights" her to answer a call from her boss. Who was the provider of the beautiful free bag in the first place. Hello! If she doesn't take the call from her boss, and jump every time her boss tells her to, she doesn't get all the pretty pretty swag which she then gives to you. That scene might have made more sense if as Anne was walking out the door, the friend said, "Take your stupid bag with you. I'd rather have dinner with my friend." But no, she sits clutching the bag like it's her precious, scowling at the person who just gave it to her. And then we flash to a few nights later when Anne shows up to her friend's art show. Anne's being supportive! Which none of her friends have bothered to be of her, but she's there. And the friend witnesses a kiss on the cheek between Anne and an "unknown gentleman" and all of a sudden, Anne isn't the person she knew anymore? What? They weren't making out. They were talking and he kissed her goodbye the way you'd kiss your grandmother goodbye. Hell, I'm willing to bet that 85% of the people in the fashion industry say goodbye that way. But without even letting her get a word out, bam! They're not friends anymore. No thank you for the bag, but I'm keeping it anyway.
And then, the relationship with the coworker across the corridor. Who is horrible to Anne through the entire movie. Seriously, she never does one nice thing for her. Makes fun of her to her face. Tells her to shut up and go away when she tries to make small talk. Is a selfish, self-centered bitch. And Anne, for some unknown reason, feels this devotion to her, as if she owed her something. This person has never been nice to you. There is no indication that this person will ever be nice to you. You do not have to feel guilty for doing a better job at work than she does. This is the straw that supposedly breaks her at the end of the film - she "took" the trip to Paris away from Emily. Except no, she didn't. She worked harder and proved herself to be more reliable (and less germ-ridden and less on-crutches-after-being-hit-by-a-car), and she was rewarded for that. Sure, she could have turned it down, but first of all, who would turn down a promotion for a co-worker who treats you like shit, and secondly, there was no guarantee that Emily would have gone to Paris if Anne hadn't. Meryl says that she wants to take the best team with her to Fashion Week and that no longer includes Emily. Which, to me, sounds more like Emily screwed herself out of a trip to Paris than anything sneaky and conniving that Anne did. Especially since Anne does nothing sneaky and conniving in the entire film.
And just because I have a little bit of a rant left in me, her relationship with Stanley Tucci's character. He's marvelous. The more I see of him, the more I like him. But he's not exactly welcoming of her when she joins the company. He, too, calls her fat and makes fun of her clothes. So she goes to him when she's having a bad day and needs advice? What? When did they become friends? Yes, they become friends later in the film, after she lets him play with her wardrobe, but that's kind of random and needy, don't you think? If anyone in the film had the right to be irked by her behavior, it was him. And he was not. He grew to love her and find her charming and delightful. So why don't any of her friends love her and find her charming and delightful?
And why does she take the non-supportive boyfriend back at the end of the film? Because as much as she wants to be the strong, powerful woman who knows what she wants, she is most comfortable in abusive relationships. It's the only explanation, really. It explains why she chose those friends in the first place. It explains why she didn't walk away from that job a half-dozen times. It explains why it becomes so important to her to impress Meryl. It explains why she feels some twisted loyalty to Emily. She may be a good writer, and she may be a beautiful woman. But from where I was sitting, I saw a woman who has some really screwed up ideas of what relationships are supposed to be, so it really was no surprise that after everyone has beaten her down through the entire film, she goes crawling back to her bum of a boyfriend (who she will probably leave New York for) under the guises of "this is my choice." If you really wanted to choose something good for yourself, a happy life for yourself, you would choose to get rid of all of the abusive relationships in it, not just quit your job. And she didn't even use the connections she made in the craptastic job! Not really. She interviews at the end for "The New York Mirror." She supposedly just "sold her soul" to get a credit on her resume that would take her anywhere so she "chooses" to go to Sheboygan? Really? If you can do anything, you're going to write for a paper nobody reads? Okay. Sure. This is a film about feminism and female power and choosing the life you lead. I can't wait to show this to my daughters to teach them to work extremely hard and be extremely nice so they can settle for eighth best and call it a "choice."
And I suppose I now sound like the Meryl Streep character. Oh well.
I'm sorry. I was supposed to be answering a question, but instead I'm ripping on a film. In short, no, the boyfriend is not a good guy. I was kind of sickened when she went back to him at the end. I would prefer a guy like your friend has, who would listen to me and buy me ice cream and walk my dog (if I had one). I think your friend, though, may have been equating your thoughts on the boyfriend in the film to her boyfriend in real life. Because we also need to mention the other romantic interest in the film (the guy with too much product in his hair), who is probably like the "powerful partner filled with money and excitement" that your friend gave up looking for. Which she probably took to mean you meant she wound up with the boyfriend from the film, who you were calling a douche, ergo, you were calling her boyfriend a douche. Which is why she is upset with you. Go apologize to your friend. And then go watch a good movie, where the lead character goes on a journey somewhere more interesting than to the mall.
Thank you, J.H. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
License Plates
M.C. asks, "Dear Miss Kitty
Do think that personalized license plates might have secret messages in them?"
No. I think they have very blatant messages in them. For example:
So as you can see, M.C., the world of the license plate is not quite as mysterious as one might think. Though I will say that the time I was leaving my mom's house and there was a car parked in front of mine with the license plate "TARDIS," that was a sign. A sign from god.
Thank you, M.C. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Do think that personalized license plates might have secret messages in them?"
No. I think they have very blatant messages in them. For example:
- This one says, "My wife used to drive this car, but took the other one in the divorce."
- This one says, "I'm never getting any, ever, ever again."
- This is an obvious cry for help and I wish I knew where the person lived so the next time those lovely people in orange robes come to my door, I can point them his way instead.
- I like this guy's honesty and would subscribe to his newsletter if he had one. Which he probably does. Online somewhere.
- This one is most likely a lie, though, because I'm guessing most people who are, don't want to advertise it.
So as you can see, M.C., the world of the license plate is not quite as mysterious as one might think. Though I will say that the time I was leaving my mom's house and there was a car parked in front of mine with the license plate "TARDIS," that was a sign. A sign from god.
Thank you, M.C. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Cat Training
D.H. asks, "Dear Miss Kitty,
One of my kittens is growing at an exponential rate and seems to be suffering from 'species confusion.' When she was little, my grey kitten began to perch on my shoulder to sleep as I sat in my bean bag chair -- not unlike a pirate's parrot. As she has grown and continues to grow, she continues to try to perch on my shoulder but since she no longer fits, more often than not she ends up sprawled across my chest or wrapped around my neck. My question is: how do I gently modify this behavior without rejecting her love or 'giving her a complex' about her weight?
D.H."
I have to admit, D.H., that I am at the same time very touched and very confused by what is going on in your household. I think it is adorable that your cat likes to perch on your shoulder, but I'm concerned for your posture if you spend a lot of time sitting in a bean bag chair in such a way that a cat can perch on your shoulder and then wrap itself around your neck. I'm guessing you are mostly reclined at this point? I know that seems comfy, but you're really not doing your lower back any favors. I fully expect to get a question in a few weeks about where to find a good chiropractor.
Which actually presents a rather simple solution to your problem - sit up straight. This will make it harder for your growing cat to get comfortable on your shoulder and she may instead opt for your lap (or your head, but that's usually only if they're playing "evil"). If there is no comfortable shoulder space, she will not sleep there.
I will say, too, that cats are more "trainable" than one might think, if you have the patience for it. See, she likes sleeping on you because you are warm. Your nice hot breath is probably at least part of the draw, and if you eat lots of tuna, all the more. But if you can show her that there are other comfy, warm places to sleep, and give her good reason to try them, she will eventually move away from your shoulder to the new spot.
For example, when I got my cat, he was NOT A LAP CAT. He liked attention (and still does), but would wriggle and squirm out of my lap within two seconds of me even attempting to put him there. Until one day, I picked him up, sat down, put him in my lap, and scritched his ears for as long as he would let me. The next time, I pet his ears, and scritched his face. The next time, ears, face, and the top of his head. I'm sure you can see where this is going. He eventually learned that when he sits in my lap, he gets attention. Oh, and it just happens to be warm and soft, too. Now, my lap is his favorite place in the house to sit. And all it took was a little patience and a lot of positive reinforcement.
So as you transition your cat from parrot to feline, just remember to work at her speed and to show constant, consistent affection when she behaves the way you want her to.
Good luck!
Thank you, D.H. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
One of my kittens is growing at an exponential rate and seems to be suffering from 'species confusion.' When she was little, my grey kitten began to perch on my shoulder to sleep as I sat in my bean bag chair -- not unlike a pirate's parrot. As she has grown and continues to grow, she continues to try to perch on my shoulder but since she no longer fits, more often than not she ends up sprawled across my chest or wrapped around my neck. My question is: how do I gently modify this behavior without rejecting her love or 'giving her a complex' about her weight?
D.H."
I have to admit, D.H., that I am at the same time very touched and very confused by what is going on in your household. I think it is adorable that your cat likes to perch on your shoulder, but I'm concerned for your posture if you spend a lot of time sitting in a bean bag chair in such a way that a cat can perch on your shoulder and then wrap itself around your neck. I'm guessing you are mostly reclined at this point? I know that seems comfy, but you're really not doing your lower back any favors. I fully expect to get a question in a few weeks about where to find a good chiropractor.
Which actually presents a rather simple solution to your problem - sit up straight. This will make it harder for your growing cat to get comfortable on your shoulder and she may instead opt for your lap (or your head, but that's usually only if they're playing "evil"). If there is no comfortable shoulder space, she will not sleep there.
I will say, too, that cats are more "trainable" than one might think, if you have the patience for it. See, she likes sleeping on you because you are warm. Your nice hot breath is probably at least part of the draw, and if you eat lots of tuna, all the more. But if you can show her that there are other comfy, warm places to sleep, and give her good reason to try them, she will eventually move away from your shoulder to the new spot.
For example, when I got my cat, he was NOT A LAP CAT. He liked attention (and still does), but would wriggle and squirm out of my lap within two seconds of me even attempting to put him there. Until one day, I picked him up, sat down, put him in my lap, and scritched his ears for as long as he would let me. The next time, I pet his ears, and scritched his face. The next time, ears, face, and the top of his head. I'm sure you can see where this is going. He eventually learned that when he sits in my lap, he gets attention. Oh, and it just happens to be warm and soft, too. Now, my lap is his favorite place in the house to sit. And all it took was a little patience and a lot of positive reinforcement.
So as you transition your cat from parrot to feline, just remember to work at her speed and to show constant, consistent affection when she behaves the way you want her to.
Good luck!
Thank you, D.H. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Smart Phones
iP.L. asks, "Miss Kitty,
What would be the potential implications if there was a movement to legalize marriage between humans and their smart phones?
Sincerely,
iPhone Lover
I think if the day comes wherein people feel the need to marry inanimate bits of technology, I will officially resign from the human race and go live in a cave somewhere among the bats. Because bats are friggin' cool.
I don't mean to discriminate - I think people should be allowed to marry whomever they want, as long as both parties are cool with it. Thing about marrying a smart phone is, how do you know the smart phone wants to marry you? Seriously, think about it. You bought that smart phone. You filled it with phone numbers and apps to make your life easier. You stuff it in pockets and leather carrying cases and purses and laptop bags. You drop it on the floor repeatedly and curse the high heavens when it drops a call or is two seconds slower than you'd like it to be. You say you love it but really, it is your slave. And you treat it badly. Did anyone ever stop to ask their iPhone if it would like that Justin Bieber ring tone generator to be installed? Did anyone bother to thank their Blackberry for reminding them when their anniversary is?
No.
We treat our smart phones like shit and then you expect them to want to marry you?
I would also have to ask what the benefits of marrying a bit of technology would be. See, the main points of contention in the gay marriage debate are equal rights for spouses of the same gender - hospital visitation rights, inheritance issues, insurance things, etc. When you are hospitalized, you take your phone with you and are allowed to put it on the bedside table. Nobody is going to bar your smart phone from the room. The only rooms the phones are not allowed in are the ones where it would probably do a lot of damage to the phone to have it in there (i.e. MRI and x-ray rooms). And do you really want to leave your life savings to your smart phone? Wouldn't you rather leave it to your kids so they can go to college, or to some charity if you really don't like your kids? Okay, what if it is the smart phone that gets sick? You take it to the Apple Genius Bar and they poke around in there - while you still have full visitation rights - and when they come back and tell you that it's a software glitch that will cost $500 to fix, or you could buy a new phone for $99, what do you do? You throw away your original phone for a newer, younger, sleeker model.
So I guess what I'm saying is that if a movement does start to allow humans to marry their smart phones, I will instantly start a campaign for Smart Phone Rights. Crackberries Unite!
Thank you, iP.L. for your question! Keep 'em coming guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
What would be the potential implications if there was a movement to legalize marriage between humans and their smart phones?
Sincerely,
iPhone Lover
I think if the day comes wherein people feel the need to marry inanimate bits of technology, I will officially resign from the human race and go live in a cave somewhere among the bats. Because bats are friggin' cool.
I don't mean to discriminate - I think people should be allowed to marry whomever they want, as long as both parties are cool with it. Thing about marrying a smart phone is, how do you know the smart phone wants to marry you? Seriously, think about it. You bought that smart phone. You filled it with phone numbers and apps to make your life easier. You stuff it in pockets and leather carrying cases and purses and laptop bags. You drop it on the floor repeatedly and curse the high heavens when it drops a call or is two seconds slower than you'd like it to be. You say you love it but really, it is your slave. And you treat it badly. Did anyone ever stop to ask their iPhone if it would like that Justin Bieber ring tone generator to be installed? Did anyone bother to thank their Blackberry for reminding them when their anniversary is?
No.
We treat our smart phones like shit and then you expect them to want to marry you?
I would also have to ask what the benefits of marrying a bit of technology would be. See, the main points of contention in the gay marriage debate are equal rights for spouses of the same gender - hospital visitation rights, inheritance issues, insurance things, etc. When you are hospitalized, you take your phone with you and are allowed to put it on the bedside table. Nobody is going to bar your smart phone from the room. The only rooms the phones are not allowed in are the ones where it would probably do a lot of damage to the phone to have it in there (i.e. MRI and x-ray rooms). And do you really want to leave your life savings to your smart phone? Wouldn't you rather leave it to your kids so they can go to college, or to some charity if you really don't like your kids? Okay, what if it is the smart phone that gets sick? You take it to the Apple Genius Bar and they poke around in there - while you still have full visitation rights - and when they come back and tell you that it's a software glitch that will cost $500 to fix, or you could buy a new phone for $99, what do you do? You throw away your original phone for a newer, younger, sleeker model.
So I guess what I'm saying is that if a movement does start to allow humans to marry their smart phones, I will instantly start a campaign for Smart Phone Rights. Crackberries Unite!
Thank you, iP.L. for your question! Keep 'em coming guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
The Meaning of Christmas
M.C. asks, "Dear miss kitty. I really missed this thread. So here is my first
question. What is the true meaning of Christmas?
Hi, M.C. I missed you, too. Though I am a little confused by the capitalization of all of the important words in your message except my name. No, no. It's okay. I'll just sit over here in the dark and eat bon bons. No need to worry about me.
Tee hee.
Anyway. Christmas. It is that time of year, huh? If we go by the store calendars, it's been that time of year for about three months already. For me, it's just starting to feel like Christmas time. Probably because it is snowing outside. Which, of course, has me hoping we don't get two inches because then they might take issue with where I parked my car and I'll have to move it. "Sorry, I need to take an extra hour around lunch time so I can try to find a different parking spot where they won't either tow me or plow the snow around my car so I can never get it back out. So hi, snow. You are lovely, but please don't actually accumulate today. At least not two inches worth. Quarter inch would be fine. A nice "dusting," as they say. Make us all feel cozy. Cover up the dog poop. Just not so much that they tow my car. Please.
Anyway. Christmas. I just watched "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" last night, and according to that show, Christmas is about singing. It had me wondering why nobody ever sings "Welcome Christmas" when they go out caroling. Everyone knows the melody, even if they don't know the lyrics. But a lot of the lyrics are nonsense anyway, so if you mess them up, nobody is going to notice. And/or, I'm sure people could find the lyrics somewhere on this newfangled contraption called "the interweb." People are just lazy, I guess. Or there isn't enough about Jesus in the song to add it to the list of acceptable carols. Or people just don't go caroling anymore. Anyone want to go caroling this year?
Anyway. Christmas. There was also a Shrek Christmas thing on last night that seemed to say that Christmas is about surrounding yourself with the people you love and who love you and letting things get totally crazy out of hand until you're ready to not see those people again for a very long time. Which kind of makes sense.
And there are those who will tell you that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, who was apparently a really cool dude who went on to do some groovy things later in life and a lot of people have decided to live their lives the way he thinks they should live their lives. Which is cool. If Christmas is a birthday party, then I think we're all doing it right with the decorations and the presents and the massive amounts of foods that aren't good for you.
If you want to look at the word "Christmas," though, you could break it down into two parts - "Christ" and "Mas." "Mas" is Spanish for "more," so we're probably safe in thinking that the whole word is Spanish. (MAS is also an acronym for the Muslim American Society, but that just makes things even more confusing.) "Christ" is Spanish for (oddly enough) "Christ." So Christmas means Christ-more in Spanish. Christmore. More Christ. Christmas is about more Christ. If you've got none, this is the time of year to go get some. If you have some, now is the time to get more. Enough with the trees and the reindeer and stockings. We should be putting up statues of Christ in our living rooms and covering them with Christ-shaped ornaments. We should put little Christs on the mantle with his arms outstretched to collect gifts of little chocolate Christs (like the chocolate coins in gold foil wrappers that are so popular with our Jewish friends). We should put light-up Christs on our roofs to light the whole neighborhood. More Christ! More Christ! There can never be too many! Buy a ham in the shape of Christ and serve it with a side of Christ-shaped cranberry sauce. You've been saving that grilled Cheesus sandwich for a special occasion? This is your special occasion! Give everyone you know little Christ statues as you wish them a Merry More Christ! He was a groovy dude (or hoopy frood, depending on what galaxy you come from), so spread him around as much as humanly possible during the holiday season.
And when your friends, family and neighbors tell you to knock it off already, what they really mean is "Thank you."
Thank you, M.C. for your question. Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
question. What is the true meaning of Christmas?
Hi, M.C. I missed you, too. Though I am a little confused by the capitalization of all of the important words in your message except my name. No, no. It's okay. I'll just sit over here in the dark and eat bon bons. No need to worry about me.
Tee hee.
Anyway. Christmas. It is that time of year, huh? If we go by the store calendars, it's been that time of year for about three months already. For me, it's just starting to feel like Christmas time. Probably because it is snowing outside. Which, of course, has me hoping we don't get two inches because then they might take issue with where I parked my car and I'll have to move it. "Sorry, I need to take an extra hour around lunch time so I can try to find a different parking spot where they won't either tow me or plow the snow around my car so I can never get it back out. So hi, snow. You are lovely, but please don't actually accumulate today. At least not two inches worth. Quarter inch would be fine. A nice "dusting," as they say. Make us all feel cozy. Cover up the dog poop. Just not so much that they tow my car. Please.
Anyway. Christmas. I just watched "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" last night, and according to that show, Christmas is about singing. It had me wondering why nobody ever sings "Welcome Christmas" when they go out caroling. Everyone knows the melody, even if they don't know the lyrics. But a lot of the lyrics are nonsense anyway, so if you mess them up, nobody is going to notice. And/or, I'm sure people could find the lyrics somewhere on this newfangled contraption called "the interweb." People are just lazy, I guess. Or there isn't enough about Jesus in the song to add it to the list of acceptable carols. Or people just don't go caroling anymore. Anyone want to go caroling this year?
Anyway. Christmas. There was also a Shrek Christmas thing on last night that seemed to say that Christmas is about surrounding yourself with the people you love and who love you and letting things get totally crazy out of hand until you're ready to not see those people again for a very long time. Which kind of makes sense.
And there are those who will tell you that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, who was apparently a really cool dude who went on to do some groovy things later in life and a lot of people have decided to live their lives the way he thinks they should live their lives. Which is cool. If Christmas is a birthday party, then I think we're all doing it right with the decorations and the presents and the massive amounts of foods that aren't good for you.
If you want to look at the word "Christmas," though, you could break it down into two parts - "Christ" and "Mas." "Mas" is Spanish for "more," so we're probably safe in thinking that the whole word is Spanish. (MAS is also an acronym for the Muslim American Society, but that just makes things even more confusing.) "Christ" is Spanish for (oddly enough) "Christ." So Christmas means Christ-more in Spanish. Christmore. More Christ. Christmas is about more Christ. If you've got none, this is the time of year to go get some. If you have some, now is the time to get more. Enough with the trees and the reindeer and stockings. We should be putting up statues of Christ in our living rooms and covering them with Christ-shaped ornaments. We should put little Christs on the mantle with his arms outstretched to collect gifts of little chocolate Christs (like the chocolate coins in gold foil wrappers that are so popular with our Jewish friends). We should put light-up Christs on our roofs to light the whole neighborhood. More Christ! More Christ! There can never be too many! Buy a ham in the shape of Christ and serve it with a side of Christ-shaped cranberry sauce. You've been saving that grilled Cheesus sandwich for a special occasion? This is your special occasion! Give everyone you know little Christ statues as you wish them a Merry More Christ! He was a groovy dude (or hoopy frood, depending on what galaxy you come from), so spread him around as much as humanly possible during the holiday season.
And when your friends, family and neighbors tell you to knock it off already, what they really mean is "Thank you."
Thank you, M.C. for your question. Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
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