The Meaning of Christmas

M.C. asks, "Dear miss kitty. I really missed this thread. So here is my first
question. What is the true meaning of Christmas?

Hi, M.C. I missed you, too. Though I am a little confused by the capitalization of all of the important words in your message except my name. No, no. It's okay. I'll just sit over here in the dark and eat bon bons. No need to worry about me.

Tee hee.

Anyway. Christmas. It is that time of year, huh? If we go by the store calendars, it's been that time of year for about three months already. For me, it's just starting to feel like Christmas time. Probably because it is snowing outside. Which, of course, has me hoping we don't get two inches because then they might take issue with where I parked my car and I'll have to move it. "Sorry, I need to take an extra hour around lunch time so I can try to find a different parking spot where they won't either tow me or plow the snow around my car so I can never get it back out. So hi, snow. You are lovely, but please don't actually accumulate today. At least not two inches worth. Quarter inch would be fine. A nice "dusting," as they say. Make us all feel cozy. Cover up the dog poop. Just not so much that they tow my car. Please.

Anyway. Christmas. I just watched "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" last night, and according to that show, Christmas is about singing. It had me wondering why nobody ever sings "Welcome Christmas" when they go out caroling. Everyone knows the melody, even if they don't know the lyrics. But a lot of the lyrics are nonsense anyway, so if you mess them up, nobody is going to notice. And/or, I'm sure people could find the lyrics somewhere on this newfangled contraption called "the interweb." People are just lazy, I guess. Or there isn't enough about Jesus in the song to add it to the list of acceptable carols. Or people just don't go caroling anymore. Anyone want to go caroling this year?

Anyway. Christmas. There was also a Shrek Christmas thing on last night that seemed to say that Christmas is about surrounding yourself with the people you love and who love you and letting things get totally crazy out of hand until you're ready to not see those people again for a very long time. Which kind of makes sense.

And there are those who will tell you that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, who was apparently a really cool dude who went on to do some groovy things later in life and a lot of people have decided to live their lives the way he thinks they should live their lives. Which is cool. If Christmas is a birthday party, then I think we're all doing it right with the decorations and the presents and the massive amounts of foods that aren't good for you.

If you want to look at the word "Christmas," though, you could break it down into two parts - "Christ" and "Mas." "Mas" is Spanish for "more," so we're probably safe in thinking that the whole word is Spanish. (MAS is also an acronym for the Muslim American Society, but that just makes things even more confusing.) "Christ" is Spanish for (oddly enough) "Christ." So Christmas means Christ-more in Spanish. Christmore. More Christ. Christmas is about more Christ. If you've got none, this is the time of year to go get some. If you have some, now is the time to get more. Enough with the trees and the reindeer and stockings. We should be putting up statues of Christ in our living rooms and covering them with Christ-shaped ornaments. We should put little Christs on the mantle with his arms outstretched to collect gifts of little chocolate Christs (like the chocolate coins in gold foil wrappers that are so popular with our Jewish friends). We should put light-up Christs on our roofs to light the whole neighborhood. More Christ! More Christ! There can never be too many! Buy a ham in the shape of Christ and serve it with a side of Christ-shaped cranberry sauce. You've been saving that grilled Cheesus sandwich for a special occasion? This is your special occasion! Give everyone you know little Christ statues as you wish them a Merry More Christ! He was a groovy dude (or hoopy frood, depending on what galaxy you come from), so spread him around as much as humanly possible during the holiday season.

And when your friends, family and neighbors tell you to knock it off already, what they really mean is "Thank you."

Thank you, M.C. for your question. Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com

Comparative Beauty

E.C. asks, "Miss Kitty,

Which is more beautiful, a baby's smile, a perfectly prepared platter of buffalo tofu or a pet curled up on your lap?

In any of the above, how much is it's beauty reduced if experienced while watching a repeat of "Three and a half men"?"

Hi, E.C. Good to hear from you. Though I will say that I think your question requires a bit more clarification. I'm guessing you're asking which is more beautiful to me because beauty is subjective and the only opinions I can have are my own. Unless I steal someone else's, which happens from time to time, but in the stealing process, I usually add a bit of my own flare to make it mine. So I am going to answer your question from my own perspective. Because that is easiest and I'm lazy.

We can eliminate the platter of buffalo tofu right out. While the buffalo sauce may have a nice color to it, tofu is not pretty. It's just not. Tasty when smothered in buffalo sauce, but not pretty. Moving on.

The smile of a baby is gorgeous, as is having a pet curled up in your lap. If we are talking about my niece and my cat, that's a really tough call. If we're talking about this baby and my cat, my cat wins, hands down. Especially when he sort of rolls onto his side so I can scritch his tummy and he does that pawing at the air thing 'cuz he's happy and then he lets me hold his hand for a minute before he curls back up into a tiny ball with his paw over his eyes to block out any excess light that may be creeping in. Or when he is at the other end of the hallway and can hear me putting a blanket on my lap so he comes running, a flat out run to get into my lap and fall asleep, that just melts me. More than any random baby's smile ever could.

However, my niece is gorgeous. Seriously. I know everyone says their kid or their niece or their nephew is the cutest kid ever, but mine really is. I've been saying she is for the past year and a half she's been alive and then when I show people pictures of her, they go, "Wow! She really is cute," like I had been lying or making it up. She is what every parent hopes their child will be - adorable, smart, funny, sweet. Beautiful little kid. And when she smiles at you...let's just say she could make the Grinch's heart grow four sizes. Yes, she is cuter than Cindy Lou Who, who is pretty damn cute. Come on. If she crawled into your lap and asked for a Barbie Dream House, you'd go find one, body image issues be damned.

So it's a tough call. If my niece sat in my lap with my cat, who was curled up around my hand that was scritching his tummy, and my niece looked up at me and smiled, I think my head would explode from the beauty of it. So for the sake of my own health, here's hoping my niece never comes over to my house to meet my cat.

Side note: Really cute story. I met my cousin's new baby boy over the weekend. He's only five weeks old so he hasn't really learned to smile or make eye contact yet. But in that way that babies can psyche you out, there was a moment when he was lying on the floor and I was holding his hand that I swear he looked at me and the one corner of his mouth started to pull back like the beginnings of a smile. And I couldn't help it - I cried. Felt like a total moron, but this tiny, perfect, beautiful baby boy was trying to smile at me. How could I not?

Regarding the reduction in beauty given what I'm assuming is supposed to be an unpleasant outside circumstance (I've not heard of this "Three and a Half Men." I've seen a few episodes of "Two and a Half Men" - are they related? Did the change the name of the show since the kid grew up? Did the kid have his own kid and that's the new "half?"), I don't think outside circumstances have as much effect on the beauty of the situation as one might think. If one is as skilled at appreciating beauty as I am (and let's face it, I'm good), one can sort of tune out the background noise and just enjoy the warmth of the cat on my lap. And when we're playing with my niece, we're not watching TV. Or if the television is on, it's football. She loves football.

Thank you, E.C. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything.blogspot.com