Santa vs. The Easter Bunny

T.E. asks, "My Dear Miss Kitty,

Who has the cooler job, Santa or the Easter Bunny?"

Santa.

Hands down, it's Santa.

So this answer is going to be more text-y than link-y, but I think I have some pretty solid reasons why Santa has it better than the Easter Bunny, so just bear with me, if you would.

Okay, let's look at living conditions first.

Santa lives at the North Pole (horrible weather) in a sort of magical workshop where he is surrounded by his wife, elves, reindeer and bajillions of toys. It's always kind of holiday-ish at Santa's workshop, so I'm guessing there is singing and lights and probably some pretty decent grub. We all know Santa's a little on the larger side, and one doesn't get that way if the food sucks. Let's be honest.

The Easter Bunny lives...somewhere. Nobody really knows. But if he is like any other bunny, he probably lives in a hole in the ground. There may be other bunnies or there may not be. Probably not. If there were, we would have heard of Mrs. Easter Bunny, right? He's probably a bachelor who goes around procreating like, well, a bunny, but he can't be seen with all of these kids hanging about so all of his former girlfriend bunnies have scorned him and don't come around any more either. And let's be honest, if you're a bunny that looks like this, do you really want to be seen hanging around with this guy? Or worse, this one?

Point: Santa.

Next we look at job circumstances.

Santa works all year long. Making toys. He gets to build trains and dolls and iPods and drills and all kinds of fun things. If he gets tired of making tops, he can switch over to blocks for a day. And again, the work environment is filled with elves singing, people to chat with, and good food. Then, once a year, he climbs into a magical sled and takes a trip around the world where people leave cookies for him at every stop. Not too shabby, I'd say.

The Easter Bunny works one day a year. Not too bad. Until you consider that he has to steal his product (eggs) because bunnies don't lay eggs. So in the days leading up to Easter, he has to break into hen houses to try to collect enough eggs to hide for the children to find, or he has to break into various variety stories to get those brightly colored plastic eggs and then fill them with stuff. He could, at any time, be caught and dragged off to jail or shot by an angry farmer. And then he has to go hide the eggs so other people can find and consume the treats within. And he has to do this all by himself. No little worker bunnies hopping around to help with the stealing and hiding, and nobody to leave little treats for him as he does his job.

Point: Santa.

And finally, attire.

Santa gets to wear a nice, big, warm, fuzzy red suit with boots and a hat and gloves so he stays nice and toasty on his round-the-world trip. And I'm guessing he can wear whatever he wants in the workshop.

The Easter Bunny sometimes gets to wear really horrible vests or bow-ties, but that's about it. You know how dank and muddy it can be in March or April? And he doesn't even get to wear boots? Sure he's an animal, but do we have to treat him like one?

Point, set, match: Santa.

Sorry, Easter Bunny, but you just plain got screwed with your holiday. It's not even on the same day every year, for crying out loud. At least you get to hawk Cadbury Creme Eggs for a little while each year. Those things are tasty.

Thank you, T.E. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com

The Meaning of Christmas

M.C. asks, "Dear miss kitty. I really missed this thread. So here is my first
question. What is the true meaning of Christmas?

Hi, M.C. I missed you, too. Though I am a little confused by the capitalization of all of the important words in your message except my name. No, no. It's okay. I'll just sit over here in the dark and eat bon bons. No need to worry about me.

Tee hee.

Anyway. Christmas. It is that time of year, huh? If we go by the store calendars, it's been that time of year for about three months already. For me, it's just starting to feel like Christmas time. Probably because it is snowing outside. Which, of course, has me hoping we don't get two inches because then they might take issue with where I parked my car and I'll have to move it. "Sorry, I need to take an extra hour around lunch time so I can try to find a different parking spot where they won't either tow me or plow the snow around my car so I can never get it back out. So hi, snow. You are lovely, but please don't actually accumulate today. At least not two inches worth. Quarter inch would be fine. A nice "dusting," as they say. Make us all feel cozy. Cover up the dog poop. Just not so much that they tow my car. Please.

Anyway. Christmas. I just watched "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" last night, and according to that show, Christmas is about singing. It had me wondering why nobody ever sings "Welcome Christmas" when they go out caroling. Everyone knows the melody, even if they don't know the lyrics. But a lot of the lyrics are nonsense anyway, so if you mess them up, nobody is going to notice. And/or, I'm sure people could find the lyrics somewhere on this newfangled contraption called "the interweb." People are just lazy, I guess. Or there isn't enough about Jesus in the song to add it to the list of acceptable carols. Or people just don't go caroling anymore. Anyone want to go caroling this year?

Anyway. Christmas. There was also a Shrek Christmas thing on last night that seemed to say that Christmas is about surrounding yourself with the people you love and who love you and letting things get totally crazy out of hand until you're ready to not see those people again for a very long time. Which kind of makes sense.

And there are those who will tell you that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, who was apparently a really cool dude who went on to do some groovy things later in life and a lot of people have decided to live their lives the way he thinks they should live their lives. Which is cool. If Christmas is a birthday party, then I think we're all doing it right with the decorations and the presents and the massive amounts of foods that aren't good for you.

If you want to look at the word "Christmas," though, you could break it down into two parts - "Christ" and "Mas." "Mas" is Spanish for "more," so we're probably safe in thinking that the whole word is Spanish. (MAS is also an acronym for the Muslim American Society, but that just makes things even more confusing.) "Christ" is Spanish for (oddly enough) "Christ." So Christmas means Christ-more in Spanish. Christmore. More Christ. Christmas is about more Christ. If you've got none, this is the time of year to go get some. If you have some, now is the time to get more. Enough with the trees and the reindeer and stockings. We should be putting up statues of Christ in our living rooms and covering them with Christ-shaped ornaments. We should put little Christs on the mantle with his arms outstretched to collect gifts of little chocolate Christs (like the chocolate coins in gold foil wrappers that are so popular with our Jewish friends). We should put light-up Christs on our roofs to light the whole neighborhood. More Christ! More Christ! There can never be too many! Buy a ham in the shape of Christ and serve it with a side of Christ-shaped cranberry sauce. You've been saving that grilled Cheesus sandwich for a special occasion? This is your special occasion! Give everyone you know little Christ statues as you wish them a Merry More Christ! He was a groovy dude (or hoopy frood, depending on what galaxy you come from), so spread him around as much as humanly possible during the holiday season.

And when your friends, family and neighbors tell you to knock it off already, what they really mean is "Thank you."

Thank you, M.C. for your question. Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com