Woodchucks and Tootsie Pops

C.T.L. asks, "How much wood would a woodchuck would to get to the center of a TootsiePop?"

Whoa, dude, that's quite a mess of pop culture references there, isn't it? Some verbage problems, too, but we'll get to that in a minute.

Woodchucks. Poor, tired woodchucks chucking wood all day and now you expect them to would, too? I think we need a little more information about this particular woodchuck. What exactly would he would in order to get a Tootsie Pop in the first place? Is this like a new version of the "What would you do for a Klondie Bar?" commercial campaign? Though from the beginning of the question, we have to assume that there is wood involved. In which case that link is even more appropriate. Eep.

But apparently a woodchuck would wood would something to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. I think the next question is, "how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?" Or, how much wood would it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. Which brings us to the whole structure of a Tootsie Pop thing - is this a new Tootsie Pop with a wooden stick? Is the wood being used to smash the Pop part to get to the Tootsie? Is it balsa wood, a dowel rod, or an oak 2x4, because that will have a lot to do with it, too. And/or, is wood the new form of currency in some new, futuristic alien land in which woodchucks are the dominant species and they are on a never-ending search for Tootsie Pops which are prized above all else for their rarity and chewy chocolaty goodness? In which case, we would need to take into consideration the exchange rate between wood, grass, and sugar on any given day. Sugar has been surging recently, but I think grass will be making a comeback due to the fact that winter is coming and it may be a little harder to find good, green grass. So would the amount of wood to get a Tootsie Pop be the same as the amount of grass? Not in this market. Any smart woodchuck will tell you that you shouldn't be buying Tootsie Pops in the wood market right now because they will clean you out. Woodchucks should be investing their wood in sugar futures to plan for spring because aren't they all going into hibernation right about now anyway?

So how much wood would a woodchuck would to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Twelve. And a half. But if said woodchuck held onto his wood until spring, he could probably get it for eleven.

All hail our new woodchuck masters.

Thank you, C.T.L. for your question. Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com