Star Signs

This will be a question and answer in many parts. Think of it as a play in three acts, if you'd like. If you don't like, just think of it as someone who blathered out many variations on a theme all in one email answered by someone who is trying her damdest to make sure she doesn't miss anything.

R.J. asks, "Dear Miss Kitty,

What sign am I?"

I don't know - when were you born?

"What with the discovery of a 'new' 13th sign (which I still don't fully understand; please explain!) throwing all of the previous star signs out of alignment, does this mean if I'm a former fire sign that all my years of tempestuous temper and passionate lovemaking have been a sham? And if I'm a former earth sign does this mean my years of fiscal responsibility have been a lie?"

Okay, this bit is confused, and I don't just mean me.

First of all, the 13th sign isn't new. It was there, right at the beginning with the rest of them until the Babylonians decided to chuck it. They got bored and felt like throwing things away. They could have gone clubbing, but nobody had invented the disco ball yet, so eliminating a zodiac sign sounded like a much more fun way to spend a Friday night. Plus, doing so had the added benefit of making twelve signs to go with twelve months in a year (and avoiding that scary, scary number 13). Though why they couldn't line up the months with the signs has always been a little puzzling to me. If Aries is supposed to be the first sign that starts on the vernal equinox, why not just say, "April starts on the vernal equinox, so anyone born between April 1 and April 30 is an Aries?" That might make this whole thing a little easier to digest. Until you want to throw Ophiuchus back into the mix and you get, "Okay, anyone born in the first two weeks of November is a Scorpio, anyone born in the third week is an Ophiuchus, and anyone born in the last week of November or anytime in December is a Sagittarius." Like there isn't enough crap going on in November and December to begin with. And while we're on that, if the start of the zodiac calendar is the vernal equinox, what's with this whole "New Year's Day is January 1" thing? I honestly think this whole thing could be straightened out if people had just sat down for a moment, had some tea, and thought about things logically. But they were probably burning too much "incense" at the time and the dragon people told them to make it all as confusing as possible.

You know that time and calendars are man-made constructs, right? And that the calendar we use in the West is not the only one that exists? You've heard of Rosh Hashanah and the Chinese New Year, yes? Not everyone keeps time the same way, so keep that in mind, too, as you try to muddle your way through all of this date-based stuff.

But what is kind of striking to me about these questions is that you don't seem to know if you are/used to be a fire sign or an earth sign. There are a million websites out there that will tell you what you are if you know when you were born and you seem the sort who can navigate the interweb even just a little, seeing as you emailed me. This confusion could also seem to indicate that you are a passionate, yet fiscally responsible person, so you could be the sort who generally laughs in the face of all of this astrological mumbo-jumbo anyway, in which case, your current panic is kind of funny.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to chuckle. But chuckling is fun.

"As a former Libra, has my interest in balancing the forces of good and evil merely been an inappropriate hobby? What is happening? I feel as if the cornerstones of my personality are being torn asunder!

R. J."

What is happening here, is that you're taking this WAY too seriously. Especially if you live/were born in the Western hemisphere. See, over here in the West, we tend to rely on Western Astrology, wherein the signs of the zodiac are aligned with the seasons, as opposed to actual sun positions. In which case, nothing has changed. Absolutely nothing. Though I will say, as an aside, it's been bothering me for a few years now that the seasons seem to be off from the calendar by about a month. It doesn't really get cold until January or February, and it doesn't really start to warm up again until about May or June, which would put the seasons off by about a month, too, in which case, you would have to worry. Or, we could just have a "redo" of a particularly bad month so we could just reset things. I'd pick February of 2010. That was not one of my favorites. Anyway.

I think it is also important to note that all of this astrology stuff depends on when you were born. As in, the time and date you were physically expelled from your mother's womb and what was going on in the heavens at that exact moment. Meaning if you are more than a year old, I don't think this whole shift should apply to you. Think of it as a "grandfather clause." At the time you were born, astrology said you were a certain sign, so you shall remain a certain sign. Just like the ethnicity you were born is the ethnicity you will remain your entire life. If Kenya invaded America, I wouldn't suddenly become Kenyan-American on census forms. I would still have to mark myself down as "Caucasian - Non-Hispanic." Because that's what I am. That's how I was born.

Or, if you want to overload your brain to the point where you just don't care anymore, look up your birth date in the Chinese zodiac, the tropical zodiac, the sidereal zodiac, the Indian zodiac, numerology, and make sure to find out your sun signs and your moon signs and your elementals in all of the above. Read about all of your potential personality traits. You'll start to see that there is the potential for just about anything in any one person born at any given time on any given date. You just need to figure out who you are, what is important to you, and what your favorite color is and use those things as the cornerstones of your personality.

Thank you, R.J. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com