Can/May

T.E. asks, "As a writer both un-trained and un-talented, I frequently stumble with the correct usage of CAN/MAY. Please tell me which of the following is correct:

Unicorn tears CAN cure cancer / Unicorn tears MAY cause cancer."

You ask an interesting question, T.E. Under normal circumstances, I would just point out that "can" usually implies the ability to do something, i.e. "I can juggle seventeen jelly beans," or when doubled, it references a rather bawdy dance, whereas "may" usually implies either getting permission to do something, i.e. "May I beep your nose?" or some level of uncertainty, i.e. "I may get liposuction someday, or I may not."

But to bring unicorn tears into the mix makes this a much more interesting question. See, there really aren't that many unicorns left in the world, and they are terribly crafty so it's rather difficult to pin one down long enough to make it cry. And then you add in the fact that they are such beautiful, gentle creatures that anyone who does meet one instantly feels like pond scum for even considering trying to make one cry that modern scientists haven't really been able to collect enough unicorn tears to do proper testing. Which means at this moment, "unicorn tears may cause cancer," is a true statement because we don't know if they do or not. They may, they may not. We don't know.

However, if you look at some older texts, ones from back in the day when unicorns ran free all around the globe and were, in some cases, considered a scourge, you will find many instances where it is implied that unicorn tears do indeed have some sort of mystical curative powers - kind of like Fawkes' tears in "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets." If we take those texts to be true, then it could very well be a true statement to say, "Unicorn tears can cure cancer."

Personally, I think it is a little bit odd to consider that unicorn tears could both cause and cure cancer, which is maybe why we don't see unicorns cry very much - they're too scared of what their own tears may do to them.

Thank you, T.E., for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com