T.E. asks, "What do you make of the persistent tabloid rumors that " Miss Kitty " is actually the literary pseudonym of Justin Bieber?"
I can see a couple of gaping holes in your logic there, T.E. You might want to get an extra coat to cover those up or something.
First of all, I don't normally pay attention to tabloid rumors because they are (say it with me now) tabloid rumors. "Tabloid," coming from the Greek tablous, which means "three and a half pounds of beetle dung," and "rumor" from the Greek roomus, which means, "place where we can chat and have a cup of tea." So you're talking about three and a half pounds of beetle dung in the room where we are supposed to chat and have a cup of tea. I don't know about you, but I'm not too thrilled about having tea in there. I think we should find somewhere else to go, like, say, a reputable news source location? The AP perhaps? BBC News? I do like the BBC.
Secondly, and how do I put this gently?, Justin Bieber is not the sharpest tool in the shed. Granted, the kid is only sixteen or seventeen, so we can't expect him to be too worldly. Except, wait a minute, he's traveled all around the world playing his "music." And supposedly, his grandfather is German and he can count to ten in German so that means he's not a moron. I can count to ten and say a few nasty words in German, though, so I don't know that counting to ten automatically discounts moron status.
And while I am not really one to toot my own horn, I will say that my posts do tend to be rather well put together. They use proper grammar and spelling. So while I guess it could be possible that the same person who Tweeted "#NEVERSAYNEVER3D really shows u what it's like. u see how hard things can get and that life isnt perfect but then u see the great moments 2," could be the writer of this blog, I'm going to put that into the category of Not Bloody Likely.
Finally, I don't think the Bieb knows what a pseudonym is. He would just call me a poser. Or a hater. Don't be hatin' on the Bieb!
Thank you, T.E. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Monday, November 29, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Can/May
T.E. asks, "As a writer both un-trained and un-talented, I frequently stumble with the correct usage of CAN/MAY. Please tell me which of the following is correct:
Unicorn tears CAN cure cancer / Unicorn tears MAY cause cancer."
You ask an interesting question, T.E. Under normal circumstances, I would just point out that "can" usually implies the ability to do something, i.e. "I can juggle seventeen jelly beans," or when doubled, it references a rather bawdy dance, whereas "may" usually implies either getting permission to do something, i.e. "May I beep your nose?" or some level of uncertainty, i.e. "I may get liposuction someday, or I may not."
But to bring unicorn tears into the mix makes this a much more interesting question. See, there really aren't that many unicorns left in the world, and they are terribly crafty so it's rather difficult to pin one down long enough to make it cry. And then you add in the fact that they are such beautiful, gentle creatures that anyone who does meet one instantly feels like pond scum for even considering trying to make one cry that modern scientists haven't really been able to collect enough unicorn tears to do proper testing. Which means at this moment, "unicorn tears may cause cancer," is a true statement because we don't know if they do or not. They may, they may not. We don't know.
However, if you look at some older texts, ones from back in the day when unicorns ran free all around the globe and were, in some cases, considered a scourge, you will find many instances where it is implied that unicorn tears do indeed have some sort of mystical curative powers - kind of like Fawkes' tears in "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets." If we take those texts to be true, then it could very well be a true statement to say, "Unicorn tears can cure cancer."
Personally, I think it is a little bit odd to consider that unicorn tears could both cause and cure cancer, which is maybe why we don't see unicorns cry very much - they're too scared of what their own tears may do to them.
Thank you, T.E., for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Unicorn tears CAN cure cancer / Unicorn tears MAY cause cancer."
You ask an interesting question, T.E. Under normal circumstances, I would just point out that "can" usually implies the ability to do something, i.e. "I can juggle seventeen jelly beans," or when doubled, it references a rather bawdy dance, whereas "may" usually implies either getting permission to do something, i.e. "May I beep your nose?" or some level of uncertainty, i.e. "I may get liposuction someday, or I may not."
But to bring unicorn tears into the mix makes this a much more interesting question. See, there really aren't that many unicorns left in the world, and they are terribly crafty so it's rather difficult to pin one down long enough to make it cry. And then you add in the fact that they are such beautiful, gentle creatures that anyone who does meet one instantly feels like pond scum for even considering trying to make one cry that modern scientists haven't really been able to collect enough unicorn tears to do proper testing. Which means at this moment, "unicorn tears may cause cancer," is a true statement because we don't know if they do or not. They may, they may not. We don't know.
However, if you look at some older texts, ones from back in the day when unicorns ran free all around the globe and were, in some cases, considered a scourge, you will find many instances where it is implied that unicorn tears do indeed have some sort of mystical curative powers - kind of like Fawkes' tears in "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets." If we take those texts to be true, then it could very well be a true statement to say, "Unicorn tears can cure cancer."
Personally, I think it is a little bit odd to consider that unicorn tears could both cause and cure cancer, which is maybe why we don't see unicorns cry very much - they're too scared of what their own tears may do to them.
Thank you, T.E., for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Friday, November 26, 2010
Woodchucks and Tootsie Pops
C.T.L. asks, "How much wood would a woodchuck would to get to the center of a TootsiePop?"
Whoa, dude, that's quite a mess of pop culture references there, isn't it? Some verbage problems, too, but we'll get to that in a minute.
Woodchucks. Poor, tired woodchucks chucking wood all day and now you expect them to would, too? I think we need a little more information about this particular woodchuck. What exactly would he would in order to get a Tootsie Pop in the first place? Is this like a new version of the "What would you do for a Klondie Bar?" commercial campaign? Though from the beginning of the question, we have to assume that there is wood involved. In which case that link is even more appropriate. Eep.
But apparently a woodchuck would wood would something to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. I think the next question is, "how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?" Or, how much wood would it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. Which brings us to the whole structure of a Tootsie Pop thing - is this a new Tootsie Pop with a wooden stick? Is the wood being used to smash the Pop part to get to the Tootsie? Is it balsa wood, a dowel rod, or an oak 2x4, because that will have a lot to do with it, too. And/or, is wood the new form of currency in some new, futuristic alien land in which woodchucks are the dominant species and they are on a never-ending search for Tootsie Pops which are prized above all else for their rarity and chewy chocolaty goodness? In which case, we would need to take into consideration the exchange rate between wood, grass, and sugar on any given day. Sugar has been surging recently, but I think grass will be making a comeback due to the fact that winter is coming and it may be a little harder to find good, green grass. So would the amount of wood to get a Tootsie Pop be the same as the amount of grass? Not in this market. Any smart woodchuck will tell you that you shouldn't be buying Tootsie Pops in the wood market right now because they will clean you out. Woodchucks should be investing their wood in sugar futures to plan for spring because aren't they all going into hibernation right about now anyway?
So how much wood would a woodchuck would to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Twelve. And a half. But if said woodchuck held onto his wood until spring, he could probably get it for eleven.
All hail our new woodchuck masters.
Thank you, C.T.L. for your question. Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Whoa, dude, that's quite a mess of pop culture references there, isn't it? Some verbage problems, too, but we'll get to that in a minute.
Woodchucks. Poor, tired woodchucks chucking wood all day and now you expect them to would, too? I think we need a little more information about this particular woodchuck. What exactly would he would in order to get a Tootsie Pop in the first place? Is this like a new version of the "What would you do for a Klondie Bar?" commercial campaign? Though from the beginning of the question, we have to assume that there is wood involved. In which case that link is even more appropriate. Eep.
But apparently a woodchuck would wood would something to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. I think the next question is, "how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?" Or, how much wood would it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. Which brings us to the whole structure of a Tootsie Pop thing - is this a new Tootsie Pop with a wooden stick? Is the wood being used to smash the Pop part to get to the Tootsie? Is it balsa wood, a dowel rod, or an oak 2x4, because that will have a lot to do with it, too. And/or, is wood the new form of currency in some new, futuristic alien land in which woodchucks are the dominant species and they are on a never-ending search for Tootsie Pops which are prized above all else for their rarity and chewy chocolaty goodness? In which case, we would need to take into consideration the exchange rate between wood, grass, and sugar on any given day. Sugar has been surging recently, but I think grass will be making a comeback due to the fact that winter is coming and it may be a little harder to find good, green grass. So would the amount of wood to get a Tootsie Pop be the same as the amount of grass? Not in this market. Any smart woodchuck will tell you that you shouldn't be buying Tootsie Pops in the wood market right now because they will clean you out. Woodchucks should be investing their wood in sugar futures to plan for spring because aren't they all going into hibernation right about now anyway?
So how much wood would a woodchuck would to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Twelve. And a half. But if said woodchuck held onto his wood until spring, he could probably get it for eleven.
All hail our new woodchuck masters.
Thank you, C.T.L. for your question. Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Oh The Games We Play
T.E. asks, "Why would anyone chose to be the wheelbarrow when both the Scotty dog and top-hat were still available?"
I think there is one thing you need to remember about humans in general to answer this question. Because yes, Scotty dogs are cute and yes, top-hats are dapper. But humans in general are lazy and wheelbarrows have wheels. Scotty dogs require cleaning up after, and top-hats can't do anything for themselves. Wheelbarrows require a minimal amount of pushing effort to move around the board. And if you happen to acquire other things along the way, you can put them in the wheelbarrow so as to avoid having to carry them. Like the bodies of your opponents as you mop the floor with them. Three hotels on Boardwalk Ave - eat that, suckers!
Thank you, T.E. for your question. Keep 'em coming! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
I think there is one thing you need to remember about humans in general to answer this question. Because yes, Scotty dogs are cute and yes, top-hats are dapper. But humans in general are lazy and wheelbarrows have wheels. Scotty dogs require cleaning up after, and top-hats can't do anything for themselves. Wheelbarrows require a minimal amount of pushing effort to move around the board. And if you happen to acquire other things along the way, you can put them in the wheelbarrow so as to avoid having to carry them. Like the bodies of your opponents as you mop the floor with them. Three hotels on Boardwalk Ave - eat that, suckers!
Thank you, T.E. for your question. Keep 'em coming! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Romance?
G.H. asks, "I am a thirty-three year old heterosexual Canadian male living in the states with only a high school diploma. I have to take the bus to get to my job at McDonald's because I let my car get reposessed due to one-too-many DUI's. If you were me you would drink also. I have never had an actual relationship with a real, live girl. I'm always put in the 'friend zone.' Sure, women find me funny at parties and everything, but I am such a loser that no one ever takes me seriously as a potential romantic partner. I don't get it. I write in my facebook status almost every night about how I just want a woman who will wrap her arms around me and hold me but no one ever responds. To make matters worse, I recently realized that I am also a 'Furry.' I came out to some friends last weekend and they freaked out on me. It seems like it's perfectly ok to be gay or bisexual these days, but if you try to open up and admit you have a fetish you're branded as some kind of weirdo all of a sudden. Or maybe not so sudden. It all feels so hopeless, the darkness of my life just keeps getting worse and worse."
Hi, G.H. I'm sorry you're feeling crappy at the moment and I think there are a couple of things to address here, if the ultimate goal is, indeed, to find a girlfriend.
Please keep in mind that while I am a girl, I am by no stretch of the imagination a relationship expert. I have very little experience in this field myself, but from one human to another, there are a few things I can think of that may help. And/or if they don't, you're welcome to tell me to go piss up a tree.
First of all, I see a lot of negative language in your post. I know, I know, you're depressed and feeling bad about yourself so the negative words feel the most appropriate. I understand that - I have experience with depression, too. But what I will tell you is that those words aren't doing you any favors, either internally or externally. If you think of yourself in those terms and use those terms to describe yourself to others, other people can tell and will probably distance themselves somewhat. I'm not saying you have to run around calling yourself a prince or anything, but "If you were me, you would drink also," is really negative. Really negative. Is there anything you like about yourself? Maybe you make really good paper airplanes, or maybe you have a nice smile or something. If you can find one thing to like about yourself, no matter how silly or trite it may seem, hold on to that. When you feel like crap and feel the need to drink, remember the one nice thing about you. You never know. Thinking of one might inspire you to think of two or three more.
Second, I had to look up what a "Furry" was (thank you, UrbanDictionary.com!). I have, apparently, been living under a rock for the past few years. Did you know that Furrys have conventions and things? Have you ever thought of going? See, the thing about telling our closest friends our deepest secrets is that they will tease us mercilessly. That's what they do. And we tease them in turn. It's a really fucked up kind of communication that exists between humans where we feel the need to belittle one another. And particularly when it involves sexual preferences. I'm sorry your friends didn't take it so well. Thing is, you are not the only Furry in the world, and thanks to this lovely invention called "the interweb," you can probably find others and perhaps attend a convention or a party. You'll be surrounded by people who share your passions and love you for them. I'm not saying ditch your current friends - I'm sure you have history with them and share other interests and things. But if this is something that is important to you and your current circle of friends is less than supportive, go find some additional friends who you can share this part of yourself with. Just try to avoid using negative language about yourself when making introductions.
And finally, the Facebook status thing. Stop that. Nobody wants to read the same status message about desperation every night. I know being alone can suck. I did the math once and determined that I have been single for about 93% of my life, so I know what it is like to get lonely from time to time. Thing is, shouting "I'm lonely!" from the mountaintops isn't going to get you the kind of attention you're looking for. Even if someone did respond, you'd wonder if it was out of pity, or you'd wonder why it was girl A and not girl B who posted a comment. Facebook is not a good way of making real connections with people. It is a good way of keeping up with people you already know who live somewhere else. If you're looking for honest to goodness human-to-human interaction, find a hobby. Join an inter-mural sports league. Take up sailing. Learn to dance. Pick a venue that has bands you like and go there with some sort of regularity. Go out and find other people who do the things you like to do (and I'm talking about actually going to do these things, even if it means going by yourself at first. Posting an ad on Craigslist that says, "Anyone up for some darts tonight?" isn't going to get you what you're looking for. Going to a bar that has a dart board and asking if you can get in on a game might) and I guarantee you, you won't feel so lonely whether or not you find a girlfriend. And then you'll stop using negative language about yourself because it won't be the most appropriate language anymore. And then, you just may find a girlfriend.
I know it sound complicated and daunting. When I was seventeen, I met a boy in Spain who was the most gorgeous thing I had seen (to date) and I flirted with him quite a bit, and he with me, and we sat down one night to chat and he told me, "You're a great girl and I like you; you just need a little more self-confidence." I don't know if he actually thought the semi-colon when he was talking, but I hear it in my head when I hear him saying that to me. And my first thought was, "How the hell am I supposed to get any if rat bastards like you keep turning me down?" But in retrospect, I know what he was talking about. Particularly in terms of romantic relationships, people are drawn to those who make them feel good about themselves. And the best way to do that is to feel good about yourself first. It's hard. You many have to "fake it 'til you make it" for a little while at the beginning. And you have to have a lot of strength to keep it up. But you can do it.
Thank you, G.H. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Hi, G.H. I'm sorry you're feeling crappy at the moment and I think there are a couple of things to address here, if the ultimate goal is, indeed, to find a girlfriend.
Please keep in mind that while I am a girl, I am by no stretch of the imagination a relationship expert. I have very little experience in this field myself, but from one human to another, there are a few things I can think of that may help. And/or if they don't, you're welcome to tell me to go piss up a tree.
First of all, I see a lot of negative language in your post. I know, I know, you're depressed and feeling bad about yourself so the negative words feel the most appropriate. I understand that - I have experience with depression, too. But what I will tell you is that those words aren't doing you any favors, either internally or externally. If you think of yourself in those terms and use those terms to describe yourself to others, other people can tell and will probably distance themselves somewhat. I'm not saying you have to run around calling yourself a prince or anything, but "If you were me, you would drink also," is really negative. Really negative. Is there anything you like about yourself? Maybe you make really good paper airplanes, or maybe you have a nice smile or something. If you can find one thing to like about yourself, no matter how silly or trite it may seem, hold on to that. When you feel like crap and feel the need to drink, remember the one nice thing about you. You never know. Thinking of one might inspire you to think of two or three more.
Second, I had to look up what a "Furry" was (thank you, UrbanDictionary.com!). I have, apparently, been living under a rock for the past few years. Did you know that Furrys have conventions and things? Have you ever thought of going? See, the thing about telling our closest friends our deepest secrets is that they will tease us mercilessly. That's what they do. And we tease them in turn. It's a really fucked up kind of communication that exists between humans where we feel the need to belittle one another. And particularly when it involves sexual preferences. I'm sorry your friends didn't take it so well. Thing is, you are not the only Furry in the world, and thanks to this lovely invention called "the interweb," you can probably find others and perhaps attend a convention or a party. You'll be surrounded by people who share your passions and love you for them. I'm not saying ditch your current friends - I'm sure you have history with them and share other interests and things. But if this is something that is important to you and your current circle of friends is less than supportive, go find some additional friends who you can share this part of yourself with. Just try to avoid using negative language about yourself when making introductions.
And finally, the Facebook status thing. Stop that. Nobody wants to read the same status message about desperation every night. I know being alone can suck. I did the math once and determined that I have been single for about 93% of my life, so I know what it is like to get lonely from time to time. Thing is, shouting "I'm lonely!" from the mountaintops isn't going to get you the kind of attention you're looking for. Even if someone did respond, you'd wonder if it was out of pity, or you'd wonder why it was girl A and not girl B who posted a comment. Facebook is not a good way of making real connections with people. It is a good way of keeping up with people you already know who live somewhere else. If you're looking for honest to goodness human-to-human interaction, find a hobby. Join an inter-mural sports league. Take up sailing. Learn to dance. Pick a venue that has bands you like and go there with some sort of regularity. Go out and find other people who do the things you like to do (and I'm talking about actually going to do these things, even if it means going by yourself at first. Posting an ad on Craigslist that says, "Anyone up for some darts tonight?" isn't going to get you what you're looking for. Going to a bar that has a dart board and asking if you can get in on a game might) and I guarantee you, you won't feel so lonely whether or not you find a girlfriend. And then you'll stop using negative language about yourself because it won't be the most appropriate language anymore. And then, you just may find a girlfriend.
I know it sound complicated and daunting. When I was seventeen, I met a boy in Spain who was the most gorgeous thing I had seen (to date) and I flirted with him quite a bit, and he with me, and we sat down one night to chat and he told me, "You're a great girl and I like you; you just need a little more self-confidence." I don't know if he actually thought the semi-colon when he was talking, but I hear it in my head when I hear him saying that to me. And my first thought was, "How the hell am I supposed to get any if rat bastards like you keep turning me down?" But in retrospect, I know what he was talking about. Particularly in terms of romantic relationships, people are drawn to those who make them feel good about themselves. And the best way to do that is to feel good about yourself first. It's hard. You many have to "fake it 'til you make it" for a little while at the beginning. And you have to have a lot of strength to keep it up. But you can do it.
Thank you, G.H. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Audiobooks
S.L. asks, "Why is there a stigma about audio books not being "as good" as actually "reading" the book yourself as opposed to just listening to somebody else read it aloud.
I mean - come on...
Thanks,
Storytime lover"
Well, "Storytime lover," this "stigma" is the result of something fairly "simple" that actually goes back to our "collective childhood."
Sorry, the quote key was stuck. Anyway.
When you're a kid, your parents probably read to you at night to try to get you to fall asleep, yes? If they didn't, CPS probably came and knocked on your door one day and made your mother cry until she finally went out and bought a copy of "Hop on Pop," didn't they? "It's so tragic the way they hopped on pop." So sayeth Homer Simpson and so say I. Regardless, we have a question to answer and should probably get to it.
Anyway, let's presume your parents read to you. It was lovely, wasn't it? I know my mom used to make up voices for the different Winnie the Pooh characters as she read us those stories and they are still some of my absolute all-time favorite books. I'm guessing that this is a large part of the appeal of audiobooks in the first place - it takes us back to those warm moments when our parents would tuck us in and read a story and we could go to sleep warm and safe in the knowledge that all was right in the world.
Except audiobooks are not your mom. Unless your mom records audiobooks, which is something probably not a lot of people can truthfully say.
See, the thing about children is, they get older. And as they grow up, they continue to get more and more energetic (until about the age of fourteen when all they want to do is sleep all weekend). Whereas the parents, being forced to entertain said children day in and day out for years on end while maintaining a career, household, and pleasant social life, get increasingly tired as the children get older. And at some point, the parents no longer have the energy to stay up and read three chapters of Harry Potter before bed, so they task the kids with doing the reading themselves. Because look at how grown up you are now that you can read it for yourself!
In short, reading something for yourself means you're a big boy now. Having someone read it to you means you're a mama's boy. If you are okay with being a mama's boy, enjoy your audiobooks! Otherwise, man up and listen to J-Diddy or P-Love and His Special Sauce while you drive and save the books for those quiet nights at home when you just can't bear the thought of talking to your spouse.
Thank you, S.L. (B.K.) for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
I mean - come on...
Thanks,
Storytime lover"
Well, "Storytime lover," this "stigma" is the result of something fairly "simple" that actually goes back to our "collective childhood."
Sorry, the quote key was stuck. Anyway.
When you're a kid, your parents probably read to you at night to try to get you to fall asleep, yes? If they didn't, CPS probably came and knocked on your door one day and made your mother cry until she finally went out and bought a copy of "Hop on Pop," didn't they? "It's so tragic the way they hopped on pop." So sayeth Homer Simpson and so say I. Regardless, we have a question to answer and should probably get to it.
Anyway, let's presume your parents read to you. It was lovely, wasn't it? I know my mom used to make up voices for the different Winnie the Pooh characters as she read us those stories and they are still some of my absolute all-time favorite books. I'm guessing that this is a large part of the appeal of audiobooks in the first place - it takes us back to those warm moments when our parents would tuck us in and read a story and we could go to sleep warm and safe in the knowledge that all was right in the world.
Except audiobooks are not your mom. Unless your mom records audiobooks, which is something probably not a lot of people can truthfully say.
See, the thing about children is, they get older. And as they grow up, they continue to get more and more energetic (until about the age of fourteen when all they want to do is sleep all weekend). Whereas the parents, being forced to entertain said children day in and day out for years on end while maintaining a career, household, and pleasant social life, get increasingly tired as the children get older. And at some point, the parents no longer have the energy to stay up and read three chapters of Harry Potter before bed, so they task the kids with doing the reading themselves. Because look at how grown up you are now that you can read it for yourself!
In short, reading something for yourself means you're a big boy now. Having someone read it to you means you're a mama's boy. If you are okay with being a mama's boy, enjoy your audiobooks! Otherwise, man up and listen to J-Diddy or P-Love and His Special Sauce while you drive and save the books for those quiet nights at home when you just can't bear the thought of talking to your spouse.
Thank you, S.L. (B.K.) for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Nicolas Cage
M.P asks, "Miss Kitty...
I find myself sitting here watching a video entitled "Nic Cage loses his shit," which consists of edits from all manner of films he's appeared in, having full-on freak outs. It got me thinking. We have here an actor who's undeniably brave, and willing to go to any extreme the character suggests to him. It's a level of skill and commitment that cannot be undervalued.Yet, it's coupled with a choice of roles/films that seems to be idiotically random. I mean, we have intense and well-done things like Leaving Las Vegas, Adaptation, and Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, but also embarrassing money-grubbing like the National Treasure films. We have to stand in awe of his genius-quirky performances in things like Raising Arizona, Wild at Heart, or Kiss of the Vampire. I don't even fault him for mis-steps like Ghost Rider, explained by his honest love for comic books, or high-caliber trash like Con Air or The Rock, everybody wants to make fun movies from time to time. However, no amount of any sort of re-evaluation will ever explain saying yes to that Wicker Man re-make, and when the script or the production fails, then all of his gooney-bird oddness just seems indulgent and ridiculous.
So, here's the rub...Is Nicolas Cage an actor to be admired or not?
Wow, you're good with the imdb, aren't you? Either that or you seem to have a bit of an unhealthy obsession with Mr. Cage. Who himself has plenty of unhealthy obsessions, so maybe it is appropriate to make him the focal point of one. Well done, M.P. Well done.
(Side note: whenever I address you as M.P., my first thought is, "Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North," which exposes one of my own unhealthy obsessions, but it also makes me smile, so thanks for that.)
But the question is whether or not he is an actor to be admired and I don't know that I can answer that satisfactorily without knowing more about who is doing the admiring and what sorts of things that person tends to look for in an actor to whom they would like to look up. If one tends to look up to actors who do silly things with their hair (both on top of and on the front of their heads), then yes, by all means. Admire Mr. Cage for his mullets, his sideburns, and his Shaggy and Scrappy-Dos. If one tends to admire actors who make intelligent career choices, however, one would not be faulted for letting one's admiration expire about ten years ago, right about the time of "Face/Off." Though if one is like me and tends to admire just about any actor who can manage to get consistent work*, then yes, admire the bejesus out of him.
In regard to his actual acting talent, I can't say because I haven't worked with him. They always say that an editor can edit together a great performance for anyone (I'd love to hear Jessica Alba's thoughts on editors), so I don't know if he's able to reach those emotional depths easily or if it takes 30 takes or if he just phones it in but manages to make it look good or if once he reaches that place, it takes him the rest of the shoot to recover from it. I can't really comment on his style because I haven't worked with him. I would be more than willing to give it a shot, though. *cough, cough* If he's looking for a costar *cough, cough* I could probably be available. *cough, cough* I'm just sayin'.
So I guess what I'm saying is, it all depends. If you like the quirky guy with the crazy hair who portrayed great characters who made us all laugh and cry and feel things, then yes, go ahead and admire him. If you admire the guy who made it past the indie film scene where he probably had to provide his own shoes to the world of the blockbuster movie that launched his name around the world so there probably isn't anywhere he can go now where people don't recognize him, go ahead and admire him. Or maybe it should be one of those, "Do you prefer early Nic Cage work or late Nic Cage work?" questions like people ask about the Beatles. Who Mr. Cage is also kind of obsessed with.
Full circle! Yay me!
*This is not an entirely true statement, but rather an exercise in hyperbole and a little dig at myself for my current career status. Carry on.
Thank you, M.P., for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
I find myself sitting here watching a video entitled "Nic Cage loses his shit," which consists of edits from all manner of films he's appeared in, having full-on freak outs. It got me thinking. We have here an actor who's undeniably brave, and willing to go to any extreme the character suggests to him. It's a level of skill and commitment that cannot be undervalued.Yet, it's coupled with a choice of roles/films that seems to be idiotically random. I mean, we have intense and well-done things like Leaving Las Vegas, Adaptation, and Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, but also embarrassing money-grubbing like the National Treasure films. We have to stand in awe of his genius-quirky performances in things like Raising Arizona, Wild at Heart, or Kiss of the Vampire. I don't even fault him for mis-steps like Ghost Rider, explained by his honest love for comic books, or high-caliber trash like Con Air or The Rock, everybody wants to make fun movies from time to time. However, no amount of any sort of re-evaluation will ever explain saying yes to that Wicker Man re-make, and when the script or the production fails, then all of his gooney-bird oddness just seems indulgent and ridiculous.
So, here's the rub...Is Nicolas Cage an actor to be admired or not?
Wow, you're good with the imdb, aren't you? Either that or you seem to have a bit of an unhealthy obsession with Mr. Cage. Who himself has plenty of unhealthy obsessions, so maybe it is appropriate to make him the focal point of one. Well done, M.P. Well done.
(Side note: whenever I address you as M.P., my first thought is, "Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North," which exposes one of my own unhealthy obsessions, but it also makes me smile, so thanks for that.)
But the question is whether or not he is an actor to be admired and I don't know that I can answer that satisfactorily without knowing more about who is doing the admiring and what sorts of things that person tends to look for in an actor to whom they would like to look up. If one tends to look up to actors who do silly things with their hair (both on top of and on the front of their heads), then yes, by all means. Admire Mr. Cage for his mullets, his sideburns, and his Shaggy and Scrappy-Dos. If one tends to admire actors who make intelligent career choices, however, one would not be faulted for letting one's admiration expire about ten years ago, right about the time of "Face/Off." Though if one is like me and tends to admire just about any actor who can manage to get consistent work*, then yes, admire the bejesus out of him.
In regard to his actual acting talent, I can't say because I haven't worked with him. They always say that an editor can edit together a great performance for anyone (I'd love to hear Jessica Alba's thoughts on editors), so I don't know if he's able to reach those emotional depths easily or if it takes 30 takes or if he just phones it in but manages to make it look good or if once he reaches that place, it takes him the rest of the shoot to recover from it. I can't really comment on his style because I haven't worked with him. I would be more than willing to give it a shot, though. *cough, cough* If he's looking for a costar *cough, cough* I could probably be available. *cough, cough* I'm just sayin'.
So I guess what I'm saying is, it all depends. If you like the quirky guy with the crazy hair who portrayed great characters who made us all laugh and cry and feel things, then yes, go ahead and admire him. If you admire the guy who made it past the indie film scene where he probably had to provide his own shoes to the world of the blockbuster movie that launched his name around the world so there probably isn't anywhere he can go now where people don't recognize him, go ahead and admire him. Or maybe it should be one of those, "Do you prefer early Nic Cage work or late Nic Cage work?" questions like people ask about the Beatles. Who Mr. Cage is also kind of obsessed with.
Full circle! Yay me!
*This is not an entirely true statement, but rather an exercise in hyperbole and a little dig at myself for my current career status. Carry on.
Thank you, M.P., for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Turkey
L.C. asks, "What’s the big deal with turkey? Everyone gets all excited about it for Thanksgiving and then again at Christmas. I mean, it’s just glorified chicken. Now ham I can see – I mean, it’s ham."
Ah, turkey. I'll assume we're talking about the bird and not the country (due to the references to Thanksgiving, Christmas, and chicken), though I've heard that the country is actually quite lovely. Maybe next year we should all go there at this time of year and take a little tour or something. It will most likely be warmer than it is in Chicago (with the exception of yesterday), and it could be used as an excuse to get out of all of that silly holiday gift buying stuff you hear so much about on the news. Anyway. Just a thought.
But back to the bird. The poor, poor turkey. Honestly, I think it has to do with sound. And I think it is important here that you mention ham as well, because it is a perfect comparison. My guess is that when you think of ham, you think of something like this, yes? You're probably not thinking of something like this, yet that is where ham comes from. Ham comes from pigs, and as we all know, the pigs who can talk would prefer to not be your holiday dinner, thank you very much. They tell us that. Right there in the films.
Turkeys don't. Unless it's some horror flick or something. Turkeys, in general, say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble." It's what we're all taught in school. Timmy from South Park even named his pet turkey Gobbles, thus reinforcing that turkeys should be gobbled. We don't feel bad about eating something that is telling us to eat it. It's like a free pass. And particularly around the holidays, people like things that are free. Guilt-free is even better (just look at the magazine racks and you'll see millions of "guilt-free" recipes and such).
So why do we eat turkeys at Thanksgiving and at Christmas? Because they told us to, so we don't have to feel bad about it. Unlike those "right-to-life" pigs. Stupid pigs...
Thank you, L.C. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Ah, turkey. I'll assume we're talking about the bird and not the country (due to the references to Thanksgiving, Christmas, and chicken), though I've heard that the country is actually quite lovely. Maybe next year we should all go there at this time of year and take a little tour or something. It will most likely be warmer than it is in Chicago (with the exception of yesterday), and it could be used as an excuse to get out of all of that silly holiday gift buying stuff you hear so much about on the news. Anyway. Just a thought.
But back to the bird. The poor, poor turkey. Honestly, I think it has to do with sound. And I think it is important here that you mention ham as well, because it is a perfect comparison. My guess is that when you think of ham, you think of something like this, yes? You're probably not thinking of something like this, yet that is where ham comes from. Ham comes from pigs, and as we all know, the pigs who can talk would prefer to not be your holiday dinner, thank you very much. They tell us that. Right there in the films.
Turkeys don't. Unless it's some horror flick or something. Turkeys, in general, say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble." It's what we're all taught in school. Timmy from South Park even named his pet turkey Gobbles, thus reinforcing that turkeys should be gobbled. We don't feel bad about eating something that is telling us to eat it. It's like a free pass. And particularly around the holidays, people like things that are free. Guilt-free is even better (just look at the magazine racks and you'll see millions of "guilt-free" recipes and such).
So why do we eat turkeys at Thanksgiving and at Christmas? Because they told us to, so we don't have to feel bad about it. Unlike those "right-to-life" pigs. Stupid pigs...
Thank you, L.C. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Dancing Fool
M.O'D. asks, " When dancing I can usually do ok counting in my head as long as I'm focusing on my partner. However, the moment I try (or accidentally) look anywhere else (like at other dancers) my counting goes out the window and I end up trampling toes. Is this just a novice dancing dilema? Are there any quick fixes? Please help me MissKitty!
Hi, M. I hope you know that I say this next bit with all of the love in my heart because I really can empathize with you, but you're a white guy, aren't you? (I know you are 'cuz we've known each other for years, but I just needed to make that point for the sake of my readers. Excuse me, "reader.")
Dancing can be a tricky thing, especially for Caucasian men who, typically, have no rhythm. I presume this is why you are counting in your head, so you can keep the beat, yes? You are fortunate because rhythm is something that a person can learn, and once the rhythm is part of you, it won't matter where you look (though I will say, on behalf of dance partners everywhere, if you're so bored with the dance you're in that you can't stay focused on your partner, it's probably not a dance you should be involved in and chances are she's just as bored as you so it would probably be okay to just call it quits right there in the middle of the dance floor. Make a big show of it, though, so people know why you're leaving the floor and they will know to get out of your way. Shouting, "I just can't work with this!" usually helps).
Rhythm consists of two parts - the math-type part and the feeling-type part.
The math-type part is easy. Perhaps your counting is getting thrown off because you haven't really counted anything in a long time and you've forgotten how it goes. I would recommend dropping by any of the fine elementary education facilities in your city and joining a class. A lot of counting usually happens in first grade classrooms. If you wear a trench coat, dark glasses, and a hat, and sneak in to sit in the back, they won't even know you're there. You can join in the counting until you feel comfortable doing it on your own. If you find that you need some extra assistance, you might want to take one of the children aside during recess and ask for some one-on-one lessons.
The feeling-type part can be a little trickier. This is when you take all of the counting you've been practicing and try to incorporate it into your body so that the things you do on a daily basis have fluidity and consistency. Rhythm, if you will. And the unfortunate part is that this is just one of those things that you have to do as much as you can until the muscle memory kicks in. I would recommend purchasing a few songs that have a heavy, steady bass line, so it is hard to miss the rhythm, and just play them wherever you go. If you need to carry a boombox on your shoulder, by all means, carry a boombox on your shoulder. If you'd rather go with a personal mp3 player of your choice, that's okay, too, but I've found some people can get self-conscious practicing their rhythm techniques if they think other people can't hear the music. But in any case, as you are listening to the music, walk in time with it. One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four. Brush your teeth to it. Breathe to it. Everything you do, do it in time with the music. Don't worry if you mess up every now and again - these things happen. Just jump back in on the downbeat and you're good to go. After a while, these behaviors will become automatic and any time you hear music, you'll be able to find the rhythm and keep it without having to count it out in your head. Then you can be as disinterested in your dance partner as you like and she'll never know the difference.
Keep on dancing!
Thank you, M.O'D. for your question. Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Hi, M. I hope you know that I say this next bit with all of the love in my heart because I really can empathize with you, but you're a white guy, aren't you? (I know you are 'cuz we've known each other for years, but I just needed to make that point for the sake of my readers. Excuse me, "reader.")
Dancing can be a tricky thing, especially for Caucasian men who, typically, have no rhythm. I presume this is why you are counting in your head, so you can keep the beat, yes? You are fortunate because rhythm is something that a person can learn, and once the rhythm is part of you, it won't matter where you look (though I will say, on behalf of dance partners everywhere, if you're so bored with the dance you're in that you can't stay focused on your partner, it's probably not a dance you should be involved in and chances are she's just as bored as you so it would probably be okay to just call it quits right there in the middle of the dance floor. Make a big show of it, though, so people know why you're leaving the floor and they will know to get out of your way. Shouting, "I just can't work with this!" usually helps).
Rhythm consists of two parts - the math-type part and the feeling-type part.
The math-type part is easy. Perhaps your counting is getting thrown off because you haven't really counted anything in a long time and you've forgotten how it goes. I would recommend dropping by any of the fine elementary education facilities in your city and joining a class. A lot of counting usually happens in first grade classrooms. If you wear a trench coat, dark glasses, and a hat, and sneak in to sit in the back, they won't even know you're there. You can join in the counting until you feel comfortable doing it on your own. If you find that you need some extra assistance, you might want to take one of the children aside during recess and ask for some one-on-one lessons.
The feeling-type part can be a little trickier. This is when you take all of the counting you've been practicing and try to incorporate it into your body so that the things you do on a daily basis have fluidity and consistency. Rhythm, if you will. And the unfortunate part is that this is just one of those things that you have to do as much as you can until the muscle memory kicks in. I would recommend purchasing a few songs that have a heavy, steady bass line, so it is hard to miss the rhythm, and just play them wherever you go. If you need to carry a boombox on your shoulder, by all means, carry a boombox on your shoulder. If you'd rather go with a personal mp3 player of your choice, that's okay, too, but I've found some people can get self-conscious practicing their rhythm techniques if they think other people can't hear the music. But in any case, as you are listening to the music, walk in time with it. One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four. Brush your teeth to it. Breathe to it. Everything you do, do it in time with the music. Don't worry if you mess up every now and again - these things happen. Just jump back in on the downbeat and you're good to go. After a while, these behaviors will become automatic and any time you hear music, you'll be able to find the rhythm and keep it without having to count it out in your head. Then you can be as disinterested in your dance partner as you like and she'll never know the difference.
Keep on dancing!
Thank you, M.O'D. for your question. Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Looks vs. Health
T.E. asked, "Which is more necessary for happiness, good looks or good health?"
Looks. Totally looks. And I'll tell you why.
Everything we know as a culture, we have learned from television and as we all see on a nightly basis, everyone in television land is beautiful. Well, except that one really creepy ugly guy who you know from the outset must be the bad guy because he obviously hasn't bathed in a year. You know who I'm talking about. And obviously, that guy has neither good looks, nor good health and he is so miserable that he feels it necessary to take out the entire town with the miniature black hole he developed in his basement and has been carrying around in his pocket in a black-hole-proof container. Because we all know these things could happen.
But even beyond that, if you look at a medical show on television, say "Grey's Anatomy," you'll see that all of the patients are good looking. Why? What about the ugly patients? The ugly patients aren't even deemed worthy of care in such institutions. It's not survival of the fittest; it's survival of the prettiest. They did have that one totally mutilated woman once to whom they had to give a new face and once she got her new face she was (drum roll please) gorgeous and landed the hot doctor. Even though she turned out to be crazy. But it's a perfect metaphor for this question - she was hideous and her fiance left her. When she became pretty again, she got the hot guy. Poof! Being pretty gets you what you want. Getting what you want usually leads to happiness (unless you're masochistic, but that's another post).
And yes, the argument could be made that she was sick and became healthy and therefore got the man. But let's take a look at another show, shall we? A little blip on the cultural radar called "ER." You have George Clooney and you have Anthony Edwards. Both skilled doctors, both healthy guys, both lead characters with interesting plot lines. George Clooney has now won eleventy-three Oscars and Anthony Edwards is doing what? A couple of indie films. He has virtually dropped off the radar and why, you may ask? He's a talented guy. Not horrible to look at. But George Clooney is prettier. Two healthy guys and who gets what he wants? The prettier one.
So I guess what I'm saying is that the key to getting what one wants in life would seem to be being pretty. And if getting what you want in life leads to happiness (which I don't think is too much of a stretch), then you need to be pretty in order to be happy. And if you happen to be pretty and you become sick, you will be treated by all of the hot doctors in Hollywood and will be therefore able to regain your health, whereas if you are not pretty, they will leave you to rot by the side of the road until you become some poor, misunderstood super villain or you die. So do what you can to be pretty!
Thank you to T.E. for your question, and keep them coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Looks. Totally looks. And I'll tell you why.
Everything we know as a culture, we have learned from television and as we all see on a nightly basis, everyone in television land is beautiful. Well, except that one really creepy ugly guy who you know from the outset must be the bad guy because he obviously hasn't bathed in a year. You know who I'm talking about. And obviously, that guy has neither good looks, nor good health and he is so miserable that he feels it necessary to take out the entire town with the miniature black hole he developed in his basement and has been carrying around in his pocket in a black-hole-proof container. Because we all know these things could happen.
But even beyond that, if you look at a medical show on television, say "Grey's Anatomy," you'll see that all of the patients are good looking. Why? What about the ugly patients? The ugly patients aren't even deemed worthy of care in such institutions. It's not survival of the fittest; it's survival of the prettiest. They did have that one totally mutilated woman once to whom they had to give a new face and once she got her new face she was (drum roll please) gorgeous and landed the hot doctor. Even though she turned out to be crazy. But it's a perfect metaphor for this question - she was hideous and her fiance left her. When she became pretty again, she got the hot guy. Poof! Being pretty gets you what you want. Getting what you want usually leads to happiness (unless you're masochistic, but that's another post).
And yes, the argument could be made that she was sick and became healthy and therefore got the man. But let's take a look at another show, shall we? A little blip on the cultural radar called "ER." You have George Clooney and you have Anthony Edwards. Both skilled doctors, both healthy guys, both lead characters with interesting plot lines. George Clooney has now won eleventy-three Oscars and Anthony Edwards is doing what? A couple of indie films. He has virtually dropped off the radar and why, you may ask? He's a talented guy. Not horrible to look at. But George Clooney is prettier. Two healthy guys and who gets what he wants? The prettier one.
So I guess what I'm saying is that the key to getting what one wants in life would seem to be being pretty. And if getting what you want in life leads to happiness (which I don't think is too much of a stretch), then you need to be pretty in order to be happy. And if you happen to be pretty and you become sick, you will be treated by all of the hot doctors in Hollywood and will be therefore able to regain your health, whereas if you are not pretty, they will leave you to rot by the side of the road until you become some poor, misunderstood super villain or you die. So do what you can to be pretty!
Thank you to T.E. for your question, and keep them coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com
Monday, November 22, 2010
Welcome
Many moons ago, when I was an active member of the national Lindy hop scene, I would post on the local Lindy hop message boards quite a bit. One of my favorite threads (for which I stole the idea from someone in New York who was doing the same thing) was called "Ask MissKitty Anything," and people would post questions and I would answer them. Pretty simple, yes? Some of the questions were brilliant and some of the answers were really funny, so I thought I'd give it another shot in a wider forum.
Please note: I am not a counselor or therapist. I just sometimes have pithy things to say that make people giggle. If you send in a question asking for advice, you follow that advice at your own risk. I do not mean to imply that I have the right answers, just that I have entertaining ones (from time to time).
That being said, I need questions! Send questions to askmisskittyanything@gmail.com, or post some in the comments, and let's see if we can't make each other giggle from time to time.
Please note: I am not a counselor or therapist. I just sometimes have pithy things to say that make people giggle. If you send in a question asking for advice, you follow that advice at your own risk. I do not mean to imply that I have the right answers, just that I have entertaining ones (from time to time).
That being said, I need questions! Send questions to askmisskittyanything@gmail.com, or post some in the comments, and let's see if we can't make each other giggle from time to time.
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