Glamour

C.H. asks, "Miss Kitty,

I simply can not remain quiet about this a moment longer. I am a longtime reader of the periodical 'Glamour,' ever since my early days of pouncing on the latest issue in the late '80's as it came available each glorious month in my junior high school library. Unlike those who 'pooh-pooh' this magnificent mag for serving the misogynistic beauty industry or criticize it for merely recycling the same articles every few years or so, I am a dedicated fan. Imagine then, my shock and outrage at seeing the December 2010 issue of Glamour exclusive 'A Very Vampire Christmas: A steamy original short story from the woman behind True Blood' nestled shamelessly among such high quality fare as '9 Naughty Things Even Nice Guys Crave in Bed' and 'Dips! Drinks! Dessert! Eat all the Good Stuff and still Stay Slim!'

I simply loathe all of this 'Team Edmund/Team Franklin' vampire/werewolf fantasy nonsense. And as for gauche Jersey Girl Snookie Stackhouse and her shenanigans, the less attention paid the better as far as I'm concerned. Let popular culture stay where it is! In the gutter where it belongs! Is the print media seriously in that dire of straights that my beloved Glamour must pander and lower itself to be yet another outlet for..., for..., vampire pornography?

Is this indeed the end of times the Mayans warned us about?

C.H."

I think you're a little confused, C.H. Glamour is not the magazine people read "for the articles." That's Playboy. But beyond that, let's take a look at some of the vampire confusion that is going on in your question.

True Blood is based on The Southern Vampire Mysteries and follows the story of Sookie Stackhouse as she falls in love with a vampire named Bill Compton. In Louisana. Not New Jersey. It is based on the premise that vampires have been "outed" in our society and live somewhat in harmony with humans. "Tru Blood" is a beverage that was created for vampires to be able to survive without killing people. I've see the first couple of seasons and it's actually a decent show, if you can get over Anna Paquin's accent. Then again, I tend to like things written by Alan Ball. But the important thing to remember about this show is that being a vampire (or shape shifter or random supernatural being of another sort) isn't all that odd. It's like everyone has something going on and with vampires walking around freely (at night, anyway), it's really not that big of a deal.

The whole Edward vs. Jacob thing (sadly not Edmund vs. Franklin - who are Edmund and Franklin anyway? Are we talking some sort of Battle of the Founding Fathers? 'Cuz that would actually kind of rock) is from the Twilight series, which is the angsty tween version of the vampire story. I've not read the books nor seen the movies, so I'm basing my opinions solely on what I've seen the press and they look...angsty to me. Like the focal point of the story is always, "Is the completely gorgeous but somehow misunderstood and therefore socially ostracized teenage girl going to give herself to the 6,000 year old vampire or the really hot werewolf dude and since they both love her, can't they all just get along?" Like the Hatfields and the McCoys, but with vampires and werewolves. And teenage drama. Involving a vampire who is really not a teenager anymore. Really not. I can understand your frustration in having to deal with this series because frankly, I'm sick of it too, and I like vampire crap.

The Jersey Girl Snooki is a hot mess and needs to go away.

Now that we have that all straight, we can chat about the state of print media. Yes, it is in dire straights (not to be confused with Dire Straits). How many times a day do you go to Glamour.com instead of picking up your magazine and reading it? This is why magazines now have between 50 and 3,000 pages of ads at the beginning, before you even get to the table of contents. They need to make money somehow. But even the advertising companies are starting to pull out because it is cheaper to advertise online, so the magazines need to try to increase their readership somehow. And if that means jumping on the vampire bandwagon, be glad it is a short story from the woman behind True Blood, and not The Meaning of Christmas as it Applies to The Vampire Diaries. Because that would be truly sad.

Thank you, C.H. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com