Whippet

A.A. asks, "Dear Miss Kitty,

I hope the year has treated you well so far.

Why are whippets good? I can understand people liking doggies. I'm partial to pit bulls myself (they're so cuuuuute!) but what makes whippets specifically gooder than the others?

Thank you very much. I look forward to your insight.

A.A.

Sent from my iBorgPhone. Resistance is futile."

Hey, A.A. I hope the new year is treating you and your iBorgPhone well, as well. For me, if I may borrow from Norm Peterson, this year has shown me that it really is a dog eat dog world and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear. Anyway, moving on.

When I first read your question, I thought you were talking about whipples, the pancreas/bile duct/gallbladder/duodenum/sometimes-portions-of-the-stomach-removing surgery that Christina Yang gets all excited about in an episode of the first season of "Grey's Anatomy." Remember when that show was good? Go back and watch it again now. Not quite as good, but kind of a dirty pleasure thing. The episodes with the bomb in the dude's chest and Christina Ricci are still pretty awesome. Anyway.

You were not talking about whipples, but instead about whippets and why they are "gooder" than other dogs. When I stop cringing at the word "gooder," I will simply show you a picture and challenge you to look that sweet little puppy in the eye and tell him he's not the most beautiful thing you've ever seen in your life. Go on. Take a look. Try to tell him that. Scared, huh? I would be, too. That thing looks like it could eat my car. Or at the very least, play fetch with it.

But regarding why people like them, it's probably because they're usually pretty chill dogs. They like to lounge around and are good with strangers and they have short hair which doesn't shed as much as some. They like to be inside, so it's like having a dog who thinks he's a cat but he's super crazy fast and agile so you can show off for the cute dog owner ladies when you take him to the dog park. And when specifically put against a pit bull, those of a nefarious sort are more likely to train their whippets to race than to maul the hell out of anyone and anything they see. Dog racing is still mostly legal. Dog fighting is not. So you can still make money off of your dog with a lower risk of prison sentence.

And let's not forget whippets have a fun song. Pit bulls do not.

So basically, you have a cat-like dog who can do tricks, who is mostly healthy, who gets along with other people and other dogs, runs super fast, inspires silly hats, and could earn you a small fortune at the dog track. What's not to love?

Thank you, A.A. for your question! Keep 'em coming guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com

Alpha Cat

D.H. asks, "Miss Kitty,

As a new cat owner who has previously owned dogs, how do I tell which of my two kittens is 'the alpha'? When wrestling, the burly grey kitten submits to the dainty white kitten. When eating, the dainty white kitten allows the burly grey kitten to shoulder her out of the way in order to polish off her share of the food. Are there other indicators? Or is the designation of an alpha merely a simplistic tool people use to categorize animal relationships that, in reality, are much more complex?

Hi, D.H.

I think the most important thing to remember here is that these are cats, not dogs.

Cat society is different from dog society, as in, it's a little more relaxed. They don't spend entire days trying to prove who is coolest. Today, the dainty white one may be in charge; tomorrow, it will be the burly grey one. Cats aren't nearly as concerned with status as dogs are.

Where do you think the phrase "cool cat" came from?

Thank you, D.H. for your question! Keep 'em coming, guys! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com

Oh The Games We Play

T.E. asks, "Why would anyone chose to be the wheelbarrow when both the Scotty dog and top-hat were still available?"

I think there is one thing you need to remember about humans in general to answer this question. Because yes, Scotty dogs are cute and yes, top-hats are dapper. But humans in general are lazy and wheelbarrows have wheels. Scotty dogs require cleaning up after, and top-hats can't do anything for themselves. Wheelbarrows require a minimal amount of pushing effort to move around the board. And if you happen to acquire other things along the way, you can put them in the wheelbarrow so as to avoid having to carry them. Like the bodies of your opponents as you mop the floor with them. Three hotels on Boardwalk Ave - eat that, suckers!

Thank you, T.E. for your question. Keep 'em coming! askmisskittyanything@gmail.com